UnNews:Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

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Saturday, February 3, 2018

The headline writes itself!

WASHINGTON -- No, not another article about the folly that has befallen our nation's capital. (That one's next.) Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith formely known by his (or h e r birth name - Alexis Smith - the actress). Smith is being traded to the Washington Redskins. He will be the only known NFL player who has breasts. If this headline doesn't write itself, I don't know what does.

The Kansas City football team has reached an agreement with the Washington team to trade Mr. Smith -- a "veteran starter of the last five seasons," according to The Kansas City Star -- to the Chiefs. We don't yet know how many smackaroos Mr. Smith is gonna get out of this deal, but it is known that Smith will be endorsing a new line of bras for Maidenform directed at the transgender community.

It is noted that the new league year doesn't begin until March 14 at 3pm. (Potentially conflicting with the time zone, but who cares about such trivial things? Also, this is assuming the groundhog saw its shadow.)

That's pretty much it so far. The cinema-savvy among us have made jokes about this news by appropriating the title of Frank Capra's 1939 film, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, starring Jimmy Stewart as a newly-appointed Senator to fights against corruption in Washington. Controversial in its day, it nevertheless became a box office behemoth and was nominated for eleven Academy Awards.

One can only imagine Alex Smith filibustering in the Senate or Jimmy Stewart playing football. Where's Clarence when you need him?

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