UnNews:Mount Everest gets Internet thumbs down
15 October 2010
CYBERSPACE -- The good users of the Internet have decided to review Mount Everest on Google Maps and the general consensus is that, basically, it sucks. Mount Everest has only managed a minus two-and-a-half-star rating on Google Maps due to issues like faulty elevators and lack of Starbucks.
Similar to the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt reviewing craze resulting in over 20,000 very absurd user reviews on its Amazon product page, Netorama found that the denizens of the Internet have begun submitting user reviews on Google Maps for Mount Everest.
The result: not just one or two, but 750,643 - and counting - helpful typists have submitted their thoughts on the world's highest mountain as of 07:10 GMT time today.
Here are a few of the most snide:
“No Wi Fi: Contrary to popular belief there is actually NO Wi Fi availability here at all. None. I can't give it 5 stars, however good the 'view' is.”
"Breathless beauty - a bit too literal. This place is a total rip-off. The elevators don't work, the air conditioning is on way too high, and they don't take care of all of your luggage so I ended up having to lug it all up to the summit myself. And to top it off, they don't even provide you with any air up there! What a joke!"
"Over-rated. There are absolutely no bathrooms anywhere. Peeing off of Mt. Everest would be fun, except it's so damn cold that your pee will freeze and your dick will get frostbite. Not recommended."
“Essentials: My mate said he climbed it with loafers but I would suggest hiking boots as the Khumbu ice-fall can get slippery at times... you don't want to roll an ankle because there is no help. You should also buy enough smokes and red bull for the return trip as there are no shops along the way.”
“Skip this one: The views are great... IF YOU LOVE LOOKING AT SNOW. Better go to Hawaii where you can shag a hula girl!”
“When it comes to danger, this hill can kiss K2’s arse. But give it a miss.”
“Way too windy. Too bad there’s no ocean around. A real bummer from A-Z.”
"Good, if not for the Yetis: The view was awesome, the trek was great, but wasn't able to enjoy it all because of Yeti poop everywhere. The Yeti were very rude, just wouldn't stop pooping at night. I suggest not going.”
“There’s no Starbucks. Avoid this goddamn place!”
"Bring a backup credit card: They don't take Discover up there. Bring another card or some animal skins as trade. Most rental vehicles have four legs.”
“That’s ‘Charlie’s Hill’. Stay away. Minus 10 Stars. Ugh!”
"Lame: No valet service and the Sherpas barely spoke any Sherpa.”
“Too goddamn slippery. Froze my nose off - literally. Minus, minus, minus!”
“Well, the pleasure to pain ratio is about 1/99. So, yeah, it’s a blast – if you’re out of your mind.”
With so many reviews for Mount Everest in just a couple days, we wonder how long it will continue. The Internet gets bored notoriously quickly. Next target of sarcastic opportunity ... how about “Uncyclopedia?”
- Staff "Mount Everest has 'no Wi-Fi' and 'too much snow'" CNN, October 15, 2010