UnNews:Mohammed taken into protective custody

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

4 September 2008

Why yes, we are Muslims. How did you know that?

ISLAMISBAD, Pakistan: Mohammed Amir, spokesman for Islamic Jihad, issued a statement confirming reports that they have taken Mohammed into protective custody.

"Mohammed, peace and armed guards be upon him, has long lived in fear that his photo will be taken, or that a child would absent-mindedly draw a doodle of him. In response to these threats, we have taken the prophet into protective custody. No girls allowed!"

The statement led to an outcry among other Islamist groups, who were annoyed that they hadn't come up with the idea. Martyrs for Mohammed responded by rushing Allah to a safe house, citing his concern that it was only a matter of time before he saw a woman in a bikini. Mohammed Bengani assured journalists that all of them would be beheaded.

Prior to his abduction, Allah was seen browsing JC Penny's, frowning at the labels of clothes containing mixed fibers. His son is yet to comment, although church leaders say that after 2000 years, a comment must be imminent.

Islamic Jihad has received a flood of support from George Galloway. Galloway issued a statement during a break for auditions for the animated adaptation of Disney's High School Musical 2.

"It's about time someone did something to protect Mohammed. The devils Blair and Bush did nothing to help, in fact they encouraged infidels to mock the noble peace-loving prophet. When that child named her teddy bear Mohammed, I was there to throw stones and stamp on her face, but where was Bush? He was too busy trying to steal oil! I lol at their pathetic racism, lolololol!"

Condoleeza Rice plunged Muslims in to a real hissy fit when she asked for photographic proof that Mohammed was still alive and being cared for. She strongly rebuked the rumours that the State Department were working on a plan to liberate Jesus from Heaven.

"He needs to die, they all need to die! Only then can people realise the peace that Mohammed promises us," said Galloway as he attached explosives to a fourteen-year-old child before sending him running towards the US Embassy.

Sources

• ASIF SHAHZAD Pakistan, no girls allowed!