UnNews:Manning gender crisis 'no problem in prison'
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
24 August 2013
Chelsea Manning - née Bradley - received a 30 year jail sentence this week, but his well-publicised gender issues will cause him no trouble in prison, an inmate has assured us.
Jake Raisins, who has served 12 years at the military prison at Fort Leavenworth, Kan, explains, "It doesn't matter how you are when you come in here, after 6 weeks you don't know if you're this, that, or the other.
"My first week, my cellmate pounced me just after lights out. He fucked me in the ass right there in our cell, and he kept calling me Miranda, and saying, 'If you loved me, why did you hurt me so?' over and over again.
"What you have to remember is the average soldier is pretty gay, and the average prison is pretty gay, so military prison is more flaming than a gas burner."
Raisins admitted however that despite homosexual behaviour being common, many inmates did show signs of confusion. "This one black dude once stabbed me in the stomach with a shiv, and then dragged me into a broom cupboard when he sucked my cock till I came in his mouth. I asked him why he did that, and he said, 'Because gay people make me sick'. That man visited me to perform oral sex on me every Friday for the next two years.
"So if Bradley, or Chelsea or whatever, has a thing about skirts and dresses, I don't think that's likely to raise too many eyebrows among the prisoners."
The 41 year old Minnesotan expects Manning to get a warm welcome. "I don't know if he's a practising homosexual or not, but he is certain to get some practice the first few weeks.
"Trust me, this isn't the last time the words 'Bradley Manning', 'US soldiers' and 'damaging leaks' will be used in the same sentence."