UnNews:Man Bites Clam...Clam Eats Man

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25 July 2008

Last seen robbing a donut shop

Los Angeles -- A clam devoured a San Fernando Valley man Friday morning around 7 AM Pacific Standard Time. The clam was arrested by police shortly after eating the entire man.

According to witnesses the clam and a contractor, 55, were fighting over a Dunkin' Donuts box in the Fairfax District of Los Angeles. The man grabbed the donut box away from the clam, whose clapping shell awakened nearby residents.

Onlookers say the clam opened its shell wide, and sucked the victim inside itself within a matter of seconds. No bodily traces of the man remained.

According to The Association of Clam Extermination, the number of "clam-suckings" in Los Angeles County have risen dramatically, in addition to several missing Hollywood celebrities who have associated with clams. The Sheriff's Department asks that citizens inform local authorities of future clam-suckings, or to seek protection indoors if suspicious-looking clams waddle into public areas.