UnNews:Mad Cow found in U.S.; "Oh fuck!" exclaim citizens

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14 March 2006

A case of bovine spongiform encephalopathy or mad cow disease has been confirmed to be found on a sample cow in Alabama, Chief Veterinarian John Clifford announced today.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!" said Clifford.

Citizens hearing the news for the first time echoed these sentiments.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!" said Jordan Edwards, 25. "I thought this was just European shit! Fuck!!"

This is the third time mad cow has been found in the U.S., and none of it made it into any food chains.

However, citizens voiced some concern.

"Ohhh fuck!" said avid hamburger fan Dave Johnson. "This sucks hard!!!"

This is breaking news. More details as they arrive.