UnNews:Lord's Prayer updated

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15 November 2010

Westminster Abbey, yesterday.

CANTERBURY, England -- The announcement that a branch of a leading British supermarket had opened inside a former Methodist church in Bournemouth caused expressions of dismay across the United Kingdom. However, at an emergency meeting of the General Synod of the Anglican convention, the Archbishop of Canterbury admitted that he was powerless to intervene.

“We must face reality and move with the times,” he announced before issuing a specially rewritten Lord’s Prayer that he claimed would “Allow shoppers to consider the words of Our Lord as they stand in line for the delicatessen."

“ Our Father who art on offer,
Asda be thy name.
Wal-Mart hath come,
Check-out is done,
In Spar as it is in Netto.
Discount today our daily bread,
And redeem us our Nectar Points,
As we flourish our Club-card before you.
And lead us not onto the High Street,
But deliver us to Lidl.
For Thine is the Co-op, Morrison’s and Tesco.
For ever and ever,

Aldi. ”

Sources

Staff "Former Bournemouth church turned into Tesco store" BBC News, November 12, 2010