UnNews:Left wing fails in Australian airliner
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
5 November 2010
SYDNEY, Australia -- The left wing failed on a Qantas jumboliner in Australia, mere days after the same wing was repudiated in mid-term elections in the United States.
The copycat failure did not result in casualties. All 466 passengers and crew are safe, as the Qantas flight dumped its fuel and returned to the airport in Singapore. The dumping of fuel itself is an environmental catastrophe, which will require thousands of gadflies and doctoral candidates, most of them also on the left wing, to locate and retrieve it.
The mishap happened to the Airbus A380 four minutes into the flight, as it was executing a left turn, probably.
U.S. left-wing President Barack Obama was asked about the failures of left wings around the world. "This couldn't happen here," he replied. "I'm in charge." Presumptive Speaker John Boehner, presumably on the right wing, declined to fault the President. "The American people sent us here to work together," was all he would say.
Qantas CEO Alan Joyce declined to say whether he is on the left wing or the right wing. He insisted that the engine failure did not owe to bad maintenance, which would be Qantas's fault, but was a manufacturing defect, which would be in the lap of Rolls-Royce. Joyce said at a news conference in Sydney, "Without a doubt. It's their fault. It's not our fault."
Engineers from both companies will have entertaining finger-pointing, without a left or a right wing, as they travel to Batam Island in Indonesia to offer the natives shrunken heads in exchange for the engine pieces that fell to Earth there.
Joyce conceded that fragments from the exploded jet engine pierced the left wing. "But it's all right, as we don't seat passengers inside either wing," he said. "Although we are studying it."
Members of Her Majesty's Government announced their intentions to travel to Singapore to personally view the damaged left wing. But they did not call for new elections.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Rohan Sullivan "Qantas CEO: 'faulty design' may be behind blowout" Associated Press, November 5, 2010