UnNews:Kim Jong Il kicked out of Hard Rock Cafe for violating longstanding rule against bringing a nuclear weapon inside

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20 October 2006

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SHANTY CITY, North Korea -- Kim Jong Il was frustrated earlier today when he was asked to leave the local Hard Rock Cafe for flagrantly violating the "No Nuclear Weapons Allowed Inside" rule.

Mr. Kim was apparently unfamilar with the longstanding policy, causing him to lose face among the people listening to Bohemian Rhapsody by the bar

The unfortunate incident occurred during Mr. Kim's 29th birthday party (the latest of several 29th birthday parties for the beloved leader). While he was waiting by the bar for a seat closer to Keith Moon's drums, bartender Sheila McCort happened to notice the modified Teller-Ulam device he was carting along with him in a wheelbarrow.

While Mr. Kim protested the removal in writing after being forcibly ejected, citing that he had the right to bear arms, and had not actually violated the policy, which prohibited "Nuclear Weapons," and he only had one. However, the restaurant main office refused to apologize or change its policy. A press release was obtained by UnNews which states, in part:

"Hypertechnical interpretion of the fact that the word "weapon" was pluralized in the text of this rule does not excuse Mr. Kim's irresponsible and dangerous behavior. We only have two rules, and we are the final arbiters of how they shall be interpreted; clearly having one weapon violates the intent of the rule, if not its text. And if we give Kim a break on this, people will think the rule is some sort of joke and before you know it, every one of our restaurants will be full of nuclear weapons. We cannot allow a future where Hard Rock Cafe patrons have to worry about getting into a tense situation that could escalate to nuclear war. People who want to get themselves in that kind of trouble can do so outside of the Hard Rock Cafe. All we ask is that they leave our patrons in peace to eat overpriced food while looking at a guitar that Jerry Garcia may possibly have looked at one time. We think."

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