UnNews:Ken Lay has aneurism, avoids embarrassing sentencing process
5 July 2006
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BALTIMORE, M.D. -- Convicted Enron executive Kenneth Lay responded Monday to repeated requests by former investors that he drop dead by actually dropping dead. Lay's last-minute legal tactic is sure to help him avoid either a long prison sentence or the potential embarrassment of having to drop a dime on his friends, including President George Bush.
The deceased are no longer incarcerated since the passage of the Dead Rights Act passed in 1997.
Spokesperson for Lay, attorney Higley Wintersbottom, held a brief press conference to announce that he was currently seeking employment. The conference was followed by a brunch, during which Wintersbottom handed out fresh resumes.
Current head of the CIA, Michael Hayden, denied initial reports that they were behind Lay's very timely demise, stating that these days they prefer to work with light plane crashes, and hadn't done a medical job since former CIA Director William Casey "died" just prior to his testimony on the potentially embarrassing Arms for Hostages deal orchestrated by former President George Bush.
"You know, some times people just die," said Hayden. "They have bad hearts or their planes are poorly maintained, and whoop, there it is! We don't kill everybody. Look at JFK Junior. Okay, bad example."
- Than Fremont "Ken Lay Kicks Bucket." The Deathwatch News, July 5, 2006
- Jimmy Riordan "Should the Dead Beat the Rap?." MSNBC News, July 5, 2006