UnNews:Judge: He's not Messiah, he's a very naughty boy

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14 August 2013

Brian McCullough.

A judge in Tennessee has ruled that a 7-month-old baby is "not the Messiah" adding, "he's a very naughty boy."

The baby, whose parents wanted to give him the full name Messiah DeShawn Martin McCullough [1] was thought to have just woken up amid soiled bedclothes when a multitude outside his house cried, "Look there he is, the chosen one has awoken!"

Judge Farmer told the masses, "Stop following this boy. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!" When told by the crowd that the baby was "the messiah", Farmer insisted there was "no messiah in here, there's a mess alright, but no messiah."

Farmer insisted that only one person in history had earned the right to be called Messiah,[2] and that the babe in question ought to be renamed as "was a complete idiot with no control over his bodily functions".

Messiah's concerned parents had offered the compromise of renaming him DeShawn McCullough, but Judge Farmer insisted that that name was "too black" and that they use the more traditional name of Brian.

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. No, really.
  2. Jesus Christ.

Sources[edit | edit source]