UnNews:Jack Thompson faces murder charges by the Supreme Court
27 May 2008
In what is considered a major victory for both the victims and the courts of america, Jack Thompson has been indicted on 27 of the 31 murder charges brought against him in court today. When brought to the stand for defense, Jack only respoded by hissing and swiping at the guards with his 4-inch claws of death. "Before we even had a suspect I used to think that we would never even get the chance to find this psychotic serial killer. That man in there- had actually ate a ma's head WHOLE, after setting him on fire and pissing on the corpse to put it out. It saddens me to think that I myself never thought of such horrific things that I've could've done to my wife that's been chained in the basement in total darkness for the last 12 years. Hell, she's never even HEARD of an iPod." Yes, it seems the dark shroud that's encircled our globe since the dawn of time has brightened just a little today. Jack himself will be put to death by firing squad in the state of Florida on national television. It will be played LIVE and tickets will be available at Fandango starting tommorrow night at an unannounced price. The only major defense brought against the court by Jack is his excuses that video games drove him to commit the horrendous acts. "That time where I ripped that man's own rib out and stabbed him in the neck? Yeah I made that up- but you can be DARN sure that someone somewhere made that into a video game LONG ago." spoke Jack outside the court today. An unorthodox 1 man firing squad execution has been announced due to the expense of bullets in todays thriving economy.
- Judge Brown "Jack Thompson to become Jack-In-The-Box." Pangia Weekly, Monday 26, 2008