UnNews:Italians stage pasta strike
14 September 2007
CICCIOLINA, Italy, Thursday — Undaunted by the difficult war in Iraq, Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi reaffirmed his strike-first policy against flour terrorists and enemy durum wheat markets on Thursday, and said pasta price rises may pose the biggest challenge for Italy.
In a 49-page national security report, Mr Prodi said diplomacy is the Italian preference in halting the spread of American fast food and other heinous weapons. "The Prime Minister believes that we must remember the clearest lesson of September 11: that Italy must confront threats before they fully materialize," says the report.
"The Prime Minister's strategy affirms that the doctrine of preemption remains sound and must remain an integral part of our national nutritional strategy. If necessary, we do not rule out the use of force before attacks occur, even if uncertainty remains as to the time and place of the enemy's promotional discounts."
The latest report makes it clear he hasn't changed his mind, even though no kitchens of mass production were found. "When the consequences of an attack with decoy food of supersized destruction are potentially so devastating, we cannot afford to stand idly by as grave-filling dangers materialize.
"I mean, you may think this is simple use of a crass stereotype for a cheap laugh," said the Prime Minister, "to be followed up with comments on overbearing Catholic mothers, porn stars in Parliament, beautiful cars that rust in a year and surrendering to Ethiopia. But honest to God, there's a bloody shoppers' pasta strike on. And not just in the 'Oddly Enough' section on Reuters. Well, bugger me!"
- Vannevar W. Bush "Pasta bat sodomy." Kitchens Of Distinction, September 13, 2007
- George W. Chamberlain "I hold in my hand a piece of pasta." Appease Pudding Hot, Appease Pudding Cold, September 13, 2007