UnNews:Iran threatens to invade yo mama
15 August 2006
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PARIS, Kentucky -- Yesterday, at the 104th-semi-annual-1293rd-bi-weekly "Booz-n-bar-b-Q", the Iranian ambassador to Kentucky, thoroughly tanked on Kentucky Bourbon, declared war on yo-mama and attempted to attack visiting celebrity Paris Hilton.
The not-very-well-noted ambassador, Allawi al-Durzai, was totally shit-faced on fine Kentucky mash. Various comments from the crowd: "Aaahhh ha ha ha, quit yer day job ya'll, you need to do stand up...aahaahaahah...yer lak Larry de Cable Guy...you fukin idjeeuutt!"
Paris Hilton, first to reply to the ambassador's threats, was barely taken aback, as she was already on her back. Spread out on the table with her top half-off like the slovenly drunk that she is, she yelled, "Come on over and prove your manhood, you drunk towel head! Ooh, that's hot!" Paris was already confused (ie. plastered seven ways to Tuesday), as the bus for "Simple Life" had already left and that cute roadie she thought she was flirting with was really Billy Ray's pet goat.
Al-Durzai pontificated, "sshsheheh...you are all the pornicators of goats, like your ho....tel, Paris Hilton,....shshshehehehshsshehehe...yeah, Paris, rock that goat...BYAHHH!....woooohooo, Allah will diseminate of you pornicating of goats...do her, do her...."
"DEWARS!, CHEERS!" cried the crowd in a single deliberate uproar. Al-Durzai, completely pissed, mummbled, "Eh...noooooo....I meant...oh screw it....Paris, get the beastily trashed privates of yourself ready...here comes daddy.....woohooooo!" Al-Durzai then jumped from the table and missed Paris, but nailed the goat. Surprising both Paris and the goat, the smashed ambassador, humping the poor animal in various directions, screamed, "BYAHHHH....who's the daddy of Paris NOW, bitch! YAA-YAA, YAA-YAA!!!"
If we were to reveal anymore of the transactions that occurred here today, it would only make Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker, and Tom Cruise blush. A furious Tony Blair refused to comment any more than to say that he was completely disgusted by today's furor, and that he may never forgive the President of the US for leaving him out of the loop on this one.
- Yuri was the only one that brought (and emptied) vodka, and doesn't necessarily claim to remember why the kindergarten teacher was...oh nevermind...
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|