UnNews:Iran threatens to invade Nepal

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7 May 2006

The world's only living goddess, Nepal's Kumari has an excellent poker face.

“Invasion is the sincerest form of flattery. Guerilla warfare is like a misplaced and badly-chopped banana in an otherwise perfect fruit salad. In this context, Iran is held like salad tongs.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Invading Nepal


KATHMANDU, Nepal -- Nepal's King Gyanendra (not pronounced like gonorrhea) was shocked to hear from his royal alchemists, who'd watched CNN that morning, that Iran wanted to invade. Previously, and for absolutely no reason, China invaded Nepal. His Highness' reaction was one of incredulity.

The King had mixed feelings. "Its nice to be popular with more than one invader; it creates healthy market conditions", He said to a field of prostrating reporters. "On the other hand, this is an awfully small area to accommodate two powerful invading hordes. Maybe if the Iranians asked the Chinese nicely, I don’t know, some sort of time-share could be arranged. Today, we are still confused as to why the Chinese are here, so we pray often for answers. But, it has really reduced our cost for tourism advertising, so what is there to complain about?"

There is some confusion as to whether the King knows the difference between Nepal and Tibet, but that's neither here nor there.

The King sacrificed a water buffalo, a goat, a lamb, a rooster and a duck to Dakshinkali, the goddess of duck shinkies, and to Piemoofmoof, the god of pies, all day at the "Ijus'Fluin Fromindia An-Boyar'Myarms Tired" temple, capping the ceremonies by downing several beers in two minutes.

Neither the Iranians nor the Chinese would admit that they had not ever been to Nepal, nor have they invaded or accidentally invaded that country. This, in stark contrast the proliferation of Chinese and Iranian military officers in the capitol.

In hopes of attracting tourists from places like Jamaica, and to attract foreign investments in Nepalese businesses, the King was considering changing his nation's motto to, "Nepal: Come to invade, stay to enjoy".


Sources[edit]

  • "Yuri" of the former KGB
  • Disassociated Press