UnNews:Iran ceases production of enriched uranium
31 August 2006
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SINKHOLE, New Jersey -- In compliance with the U.N Deadline, Iran has agreed to cease all of its uranium production forthwith quoting that it is "very sorry" and, in a personal note to the U.N Security Council, Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad unequivocally promised that he would "never do it again"; thus spelling an end to the international regulatory battle between the U.N and Iran.
The move was prompted by a leak in the Office of Geneological Research, a private paramilitary organisation run by the Mormons. According to sources, Mr. Ahmadinejad's status as a full-blooded Persian has been called into question, and that his mother was of Farsi-Vietnamese descent.
Aside from causing a stir among the mostly psychotic clergy of the country, a consequense of the finding was an answer to a life-long question; Ahmadinejad's pathological fascination for the movie "Full Metal Jacket" and the phrase, "Me so horny, me love you long time GI.".
Rumours abound of late-night parties featuring videos of the "Miso Horney" song, screenings of "Full Metal Jacket" and Beef Ring orgies.
Currently Ahmadinejad has informed the U.N that its inspectors cannot as yet tour the enrichment plants due to a number of their classified technologies being removed from usage and stated that "they will probably be able to take a look within the year" although skeptics claim that the U.N is being blindly stupid and simply failing to see that Ahmadinejad is allegedly lying to them through his somewhat yellowed teeth.
As a result of the compliance, Iran has been given access to participate in the World Trade Organisation as well as a variety of other economic incentives - including the right to print the currency of other WTO particpating countries; something that is believed to have attributed to the recent dilution in the value of the dollar; upsetting the Federal Reserve and putting another interest rate hike on the cards.
Already intelligence sources have been claiming that Iran has been selling its enriched uranium to terrorist sources around the globe, despite the vehement denial of such dealing by the Iranian Government.
- Portly Thesputch McKannopenr "Mixed Iranian-Vietnamese ancestry of Ahmadinejad makes him sexy, says people of Iran." New Jersey Times And Spaces, August 31,2006
- Richard Particulate "Me so horny, me love you long time GI, you're busted." Panda Weekly, August 31,2006