UnNews:If I hear the words "sexual harassment" one more time...
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
UPDATE: I wrote this op-ed in a fit of rage and to blow off steam, and my message may have been muddled.
Let's be clear. I don't condone what these men may or (most likely, in the case of most of them) may not have done; it's disgusting and vile. But it seems like everybody and their mother has been accused in the last two months or so, people who prior had been quite respectable. But here's what I'm pissed off about, besides the person being accused: Can you even prove that they acted inappropriately? It's one thing to accuse someone who was a jerk to begin with; it's another to falsely accuse a respected person like Spacey or Lauer of such a misdeed. Don't accuse because it's trendy or to jump on the bandwagon; accuse because it actually happened, and because it is in fact sexual harassment.
The women who brought down Weinstein and Bill Cosby were very brave and should be applauded for their efforts. I, admittedly, don't know enough about the Matt Lauer situation to form any real opinion, other than "I like the person, but revile the act." Make sense? Let's hope so. I'm sick and tired of having to explain myself because you didn't understand the first time.
Below is the original op-ed, uncut and unabridged. Please read with discretion.
It all started with Harvey Weinstein. That was fine; he was a jerk anyway. Plus, he ruined Halloween. That Republican dude Roy Moore is getting shit on, too, on the eve of an election. Great, beautiful. One less Republican to worry about.
Then it trickled down and dragged Kevin Spacey, Al Franken, John Lesseter, and now Matt Lauer and Garrison Keillor into this mess. And to make it even more ridiculous, someone whose job it is to put his hands on other people has been accused. That's not okay. You have crossed the line into parody/pisstake territory.
I am talking about sexual harassment. Accusers (and employers) have gone way too far. Let's be clear. I don't condone what these men may or (most likely, in the case of most of them) may not have done, but it seems like everybody and their mother has been accused in the last two months or so. Can you even prove that they acted inappropriately? Or are you just lying for attention, or because your career is dead? It's one thing to accuse someone who was a jerk to begin with; it's another to falsely accuse a respected person like Spacey or Lauer of such a misdeed. Welcome to 1692 Salem, folks. Welcome to the new McCarthyism.
Every McCarthy needs a Murrow. And if someone from the news division of a satire wiki has to (ironically) be that Murrow, so be it. UnNews has morphed into a semi-serious news entity anyway. In the age of Trump, the funniest joke you can tell is the truth.
Let's break it down:
- Jerk being accused of sexual harassment = shame on the accused
- Respectable person being (almost always falsely) accused of sexual harassment = shame on the accuser
A massage is not sexual harassment. A doctor telling you to expose your dick for a checkup is not sexual harassment (except when it is, which is only .0000000000001 percent of the time). A TSA patdown, though annoying as fuck, is not sexual harassment.
And employers, just
ass as accusers should stop accusing without proof, so should you stop firing the accused without proof. Anybody can just say, "(celebrity) grabbed my dick or touched my ass or grabbed me by the (you know)." They could also just as easily say they're a dolphin. Doesn't make it true. Prove it.
Stop with the false accusations, which 99.9 percent of them are.
SAY "SEXUAL HARASSMENT" AGAIN! SAY "SEXUAL HARASSMENT" AGAIN! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! SAY "SEXUAL HARASSMENT" ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!
- Dawn C. Chmielewski and Anita Busch "Fresh Details Emerge of John Lasseter’s Behavior, Questions Arise About How Much Disney Knew" Deadline, November 29, 2017
- Lisa de Moraes "Donald Trump Celebrates Matt Lauer Firing On Twitter, Demands NBC News Be Investigated" Deadline, November 29, 2017
- David Robb "EEOC Has Litigated Few Of The Industry’s Hundreds Of Sexual Harassment Complaints Filed Since 2005" Deadline, November 28, 2017
- Jeff Baenen "Garrison Keillor fired, says he put hand on woman's back" Associated Press, November 29, 2017
- "The Latest: Thile 'in shock' over Keillor dismissal" Associated Press, November 29, 2017
- Alejandro Martinez-Cabrera "Man sentenced to 1,000 years in prison for sexual abuse of two girls" Austin American-Statesman, November 29, 2017
- "The Latest: House OKs anti-harassment training bill" Associated Press, November 29, 2017
- Kim Chandler "After accusations, Moore's Senate bid focuses on abortion" Associated Press, November 29, 2017
- New York Times "NBC Fires Matt Lauer Over Sexual Misconduct Allegation" MSN, November 29, 2017
- Business Insider "Megyn Kelly on Matt Lauer: 'I had heard rumors about Matt'" MSN, November 29, 2017
- Time "Matt Lauer Has Always Had Problems With Women on the TODAY Show" MSN, November 29, 2017
- Associated Press "Garrison Keillor fired, says he put hand on woman's back" MSN, November 29, 2017
- Madison Park and Janet DiGiacomo "Woman says she was sexually assaulted at Massage Envy" CNN, November 28, 2017
- Hollywood Reporter "Geoffrey Rush Denies Allegations of "Inappropriate Behavior"" MSN, November 29, 2017