UnNews:IPhone Escapes Burning Building Unharmed
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
11 March 2008
Los Angeles-An iPhone was thrown from the fourth floor of a burning building at 118 W. Sever St. yesterday, and fell safely into the arms of firefighter B.J. Edfung below.
Trapped by smoke, and unable to hear the deafening fire alarm in time to make it down the staircase, tenant Josh Sparks says he took his headphones off to think about how he was going to save himself and the electronic device.
“I knew my iPhone was going to get severely damaged if I kept it on my person’s, so I said a prayer and defenestrated it.” Sparks said from his hospital bed.
The crowd gathered below saw the tiny silver device plummeting to the ground and reached up screaming, Save it! Save it!
“It was hard to stay focused on what was important because there was a lot of smoke and other people jumping out of windows,” eyewitness Ted Banks said.
After throwing the iPhone down to safety, Sparks jumped out of the same window, missing the preoccupied crowd by mere inches and landing facedown on the cement.
Questions were immediately raised as to whom the iPhone should be passed down to, if the owner was, in fact, dead. But the ponderances were silenced when the emergency workers arrived and announced that Sparks was still alive.
Sparks and his iPhone are resting in a rehabilitation center for the severely injured, where friends and family members come to gaze at the miraculously recovered iPhone.
“That thing cost me over $400.00,” Sparks mother said. “He would have wished he was dead if anything happened to it.”
At the moment, Sparks remains confident he will get out of the hospital, fully recovered and ready to find a new home, since his last smoldered to unrecognizable ash.
“We were all just so happy that the iPhone was okay, we didn’t have time to think about anything else.” firefighter Edfung concluded.
