UnNews:Hot teachers 'will not' screw students in future

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Sunday, October 5, 2014

Miss Respess and Mrs Dufrense, who were remembered by students as "fuckable" and "super-hot" respectively.

Tiffany Beecham, president of the Association of Super Hot American Teachers (ASHAT) has announced that her members will be abstaining from sex with students, effective tomorrow.

The announcement comes after a string of cases involving female teachers having sexual relations with male students have come to light in the last month. Experts are blaming it on a particularly boring summer and the presence of The Graduate on some school syllabuses.

The latest case saw Louisiana English teachers Rachel Respess and Shelley Dufresne having sex on a number occasions with a 16-year-old student, who was said to have filmed the acts and bragged about it to his friends.

"This kind of thing is completely unacceptable," said Beecham. "If y'all are going to tell people about it, we are not going to fuck you anymore."

Students at Destrehan High School, where the pair worked, are said to be heartbroken at the news. One sophomore told us, "We had a really good thing going here, and one rotten apple spoiled the bunch. That asshole, [Student's name redacted], ruined it for everyone. We had two blonde English teachers who were open to fucking students, for Christ's sake."

The student, who became visibly distressed, began punching his locker, adding: "YOU MANIAC! AH, DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"

Joanna Corey, a sociologist at the University of Louisiana (who insisted that her late night study sessions with interns are completely harmless) told us, "This will have a huge effect across the nation. ASHAT is a very powerful organization. It's very unlikely that any remotely hot teacher isn't a member.

"As a result, high school students with a pipe dream of doing Miss over her desk after class can probably kiss that fantasy goodbye. What was a long shot yesterday is now an impossibility - all because one 16-year-old couldn't keep his damn mouth shut."

In other news, two male English teachers from Kentucky were jailed as pedophiles yesterday after filming a threesome with an underaged female student.

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