UnNews:Homosexuals Toughen Image With New Flag
12 April 2006
(San Francisco, CA) Notable leaders of the gay rights movement were proud today when they unveiled the new pride flag which will soon come to replace the almost ubiquitous rainbow. Prominent gay-rights activist Glen Scheib explained the reasoning for the change.
"The rainbow was used for a long time because it is supposed to illustrate equality in difference. But the rainbow isn't really very equal at all. Has anyone here ever seen an actual color spectrum? There's, like, hardly any orange in it at all. And there's more red than anybody could ever fucking need. Trust me on this, I know everything from sunburnt umber to rustic barn so if I tell you there's too much red then there's too much fucking red."
It was also noted that the traditional flag wasn't even equally representative of the simplified rainbow, which typically consists of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. In most pride flags, the colors indigo and violet are combined into one purple bar.
"That's not meant to symbolize anything other than the fact that even we think the Indigo Girls suck."
The new flag is meant to envoke a much more masculine, quite possibly even dangerous, view of homosexuals. "Remember, 'pansies' are weak, mincing little guys. But 'faggots' are big, tough, work out all the time, get laid more than any straight guy ever will and have a bigger dick. And are STILL the only white guys with natural rhythm. Also, your girlfriend wishes you were us."
The colors and their replacements:
Red: A rabid dog. Orange: An AK-47. Yellow: A machete. Green: A flame decal. Indigo/violet: The word "NINJAS."
The only element of the flag being held over for the new design will be the color blue, because it tested well with the young children homosexuals need to recruit to be able to survive.
"All in all, I think this will be the thing that FINALLY gets people to stop hating us. And if not, we'll just send the faggots round to beat them up."