UnNews:Head and Shoulders Sued!
14 September 2006
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SACKCLOTH, Ashes -- Three members of British Super-group "Ezekiel", Edith Head and twins John and James Shoulder are in the news again after being sued by fellow members Geoffrey "Knees" McGraw and Jessie Toes over a dispute about royalties from the bands signature tune "Heads and Shoulders, Knee’s and Toes". When first released, the song created a massive rumour that Jessie was leaving her long time boyfriend John in favour of Knees, but the band insisted that all such claims were false. After it reached number 12 in the UK, number 16 in the US and number one in the Japanese and Australian markets, the song launched the band on a massive tour, earning millions of dollars and international stardom for Head (who went on to win numerous Academy Awards) and the Shoulder’s, while the other two faded into obscurity after a drug scandal.
When Head and the Shoulders were hired to endorse anti-dandruff shampoo, Knees and Toes filed paperwork claiming they were dismissed unfairly, and that they should also have been part of the sponsorship deal, allegedly worth 3 billion dollars. Knees and Toes went on to claim that they should have been awarded three quarters of the royalties for "Heads and Shoulders, Knees and Toes" as their names appeared 3 times as often as those of John, James and Edith and also that they were treated "as badly as Australia treats refugees", such allegations are being looked into by the R.S.P.C.A. The anti-dandruff company (who shall remain nameless) declined to comment today, except to say that “A pharmaceutical company can hardly be seen to associate with drug users”. The company, whose research centres around the world agree that they make the best anti-dandruff shampoo, also said that they fully support their celebrity employees, will pay their court costs and continue to supply them with high-quality, effective anti-dandruff shampoos and conditioners for that extra shine, which is taking ‘declined to comment’ just a little to far.
In a press conference earlier today, Knees claimed that “They won’t ever see the back of me!” and Toes added “Without us, the group has no balance!”. The case is expected to be heard next week in a special sitting of the High Court of California.
- Pope Benedict XIII "Head, shoulders, knees, toes, eyes, ears, nose pissed." Interweb, September 14, 2006