UnNews:Harry potter book sales predicted to plunge after J.K rowling unveils sex scene wrap-up
3 February 2007
Author of the Harry Potter books, Henry Rollins, of Rollins Band Fame, was recently recorded on a secret microphone in which she detailed the anti-climax of the books centering around a full-on magical sex scene, which is thought to be illustrated over several hundred pages. The news comes after several other books earlier on in the year had their stories leaked to the press; the latest book by James Randi, "Is the bible a bunch of absolute fiction and bullshit?" was devastated in the sales departments, when a defector of Randi alerted the press that it was "yes".
Rollins was tapped for bugs when she was giving a presentation to little children about how to remember their parent's credit card numbers, and why it's important to have 2 copies of her books that are kept a fun little secret from mommy and daddy. After finishing her speech, she left the stage and began to snort several lines of cocaine with the child actor who plays Harry Potter, before revealing to the young star - "you are going to fucking love filming the last book", before detailing the sordid sexual details of the Harry Potter's romp, in which there is sure to be hogwarts.
Rollins detailed that Potter initially uses his magical cloak to crawl under women's skirts, but is caught after he forgets to cover his penis, resulting in hundreds of the students seeing a floating penis moving through the school. After finally realising how to use magic instructions from 80% of his Hotmail emails, Potter enhances his boyhood to seduce Hermione, who subsequently enjoys the sex so much, she leaves school and becomes a heroin addict, whilst Potter flourishes briefly before finally being killed by Ronaldo Measly, who is Voldemort's true form, and subsequently breaks apart every atom in Potter's body, and further nails Hermione whilst she is in a drug-induced coma.
When interviewed hours ago, JK Rowling said "What, I saw her naked on the set of the last film, I reckon she'd be up for a bit.".
- "JK Rowling loves pottery." ', Mmmmm DD, YYYY