UnNews:Gobshite IPO announced

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

7 June 2014

Perhaps the best known placement of a gobshite by Gobshite Systems International.

NEW YORK, New York - Gobshite Systems International, a "not-even-with-his-dick" traded company specializing in placement of gobshites in temporary work situations, will debut at the New York Stock Exchange tomorrow. Stock astrologers predict a strong opening price of 44 dollars.

The Hobbiton based consulting firm has been placing complete morons in temp work for the business, IT and scientific sectors since 1997. Founder Pencil Durrp, an American naturalized citizen from Argentina, is proud, yet puzzled, at the amazing success of his business model.

"It seems that almost all large companies in industrialized nations value consistency and predictability in employees so much, that they will pay a premium for skilled and unskilled workers who don't know jack about the jobs assigned," said Durr in a telephone interview with UnNews. "With careful screening and ignorance seminars, we are able to eliminate a problem which can bring a major business player to a standstill. The paralytic fear caused when temp help or consultants are brought in, that they will be useless gobshits. We guarantee that they are."

Sources

• Cypriot El Kabbonng "Gobshites: Does it take one to know one?" Time Magazine, May 30, 214