UnNews:Footballer sacked for resigning

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16 March 2014

A diagram of Anelka's controversial "poulelle" or "upside down goosestep.

British football club West Bromich Albion have taken the existentially bold step of dismissing Nicolas Anelka after he announced on Twitter that he had resigned from the club.

"Resigning from the club is gross misconduct, according to the terms of our player contracts," explained club lawyer Jasper Carrot. "Any players who resign will be immediately punished with dismissal."

The crisis began several weeks ago when Anelka celebrated a goal with a quenelle gesture. The word had everyone looking for their Larousse dictionaries in the hope of finding it meant something like "little duck". However, it actually turned out to be an upside down Nazi salute, which Anelka made in support of anti-Israeli French comedian Dieudonne M'bala.

Anelka was immediately sanctioned by both his club and the Football Association, and apparently didn't take kindly to the response: he immediately announced his resignation on Twitter, and uploaded a picture of himself goose-stepping upside down.

Football pundit Joanna Corey explains, "It's a familiar expression of impotent rage from a hundred Hollywood movies: 'You can't fire me 'cos I quit'. The weird thing here is that it's in reverse: the company that pays hundreds of millions of pounds a year is made to look like a little bitch, while the guy doing the Nazi salute saunters off like a badass, possibly heading off to shoot up a Rotary Club meeting."

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