UnNews:Fifa 2015 set to be most realistic ever

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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The cover of the game was revealed yesterday, and showcased some of the game's most valuable cheats.

The new instalment of Electronic Arts' popular FIFA series, FIFA 15, is set to be the most realistic football simulator ever.

The cover for the game, released in August, shows Arjen Robben throwing himself to the floor like a big girl's blouse, and Luis Suárez preparing to become the first man to defend himself by saying "His shoulder hit my teeth".

EA designer Barry Nomayts told UnNews, "We realized that with the older versions, we had become obsessed with the pure mechanics of the game - as if soccer was just about passing, tackling and shooting. Then we actually watched a game live, and we saw that there was so much bullshit going on - time wasting, complaining to the referee, play-acting, bitching, swearing, obstruction, and now all of these things are part of FIFA 2015."

For the first time ever, players will be able to dawdle over taking a throw-in, deliberately take a free kick from the wrong position, and encroach on the 10-yard rule as soon as the referee's back is turned.

However, certainly the most exciting new elements are players' ability to dive and bite. Yet Nomayts explained that not all players will be able to do it with impunity. "There are obviously players like Robben and Gareth Bale who have really high skill levels in this area. They can pull it off. However, gamers should know that if they try the same move with, say, Kolo Toure, he will just go down like a sack of shit."

Gamers who have been given a glimpse of the new game have been impressed. Dave Turnell, who, incidentally, smelled absolutely appalling, said, "This is so cool! Not only can I score badass curling free-kicks, I can also make the players abuse the referee's assistant for a perfectly correct decision made under difficult circumstances!"

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