UnNews:FAA bans oxygen from airplanes
22 December 2006
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"We still allow lighters on planes," said a spokesman for the FAA, "because people need to smoke in the airports." Recent reports show that terrorists are plotting to burn the seats on planes. Because fire cannot start without oxygen, we are effectively banning it, allowing travellers to be safe from these attacks. We believe that this will allow everyone to have a safe and happy holiday season."
Concerns were raised about the large number of planes arriving with all their passengers dead, as well as the large number of planes falling from the sky. However, the FAA commented that "at least terrorists aren't the cause of this, and we believe that's the important thing."
Many relatives of travelers, especially on the coasts, were concerned about the well being of their loved ones. However, Right-Wing pundit Ann Coulter called them "selfish whores" who "only care about seeing their loved ones alive that they can't make a few sacrifices to defend this country."
Even the so called Pro Life lobby, once again proving that it has no respect for life, supported this measure.
"Haven't you figured it out yet? This measure won't kill babies. Why would we be against it?" said Jerry Falwell.
- TSA "TSA's permitted and prohibited items". TSA, December 22, 2006