UnNews:Dinosaurs ate people - FACT
11 November 2007
The fundamental concepts at underlie modern paleontology and geology were rocked earlier this week when geologists pointlessly hammering rocks on the Isle of Skye, Scotland made what is arguably the discovery of the decade.
The remains of a human skeleton cowering in the fetal position were discovered inside the remains of a recently discovered dinosaur skeleton which implies that the middle aged male had been eaten. The discovery of the fossilised sauropod Cetiosaurus dates back to late Bathonian times (which to you and me means a long time ago, around 170 million years we think) which saw several dinosaurs roam Skye during the Mid Jurassic.
Palaeontologists have always claimed that dinosaurs and people coexist only in books, movies and cartoons, but Dr Neil Clark of the University of Glasgow's Hunterian Museum is now able to confirm that "this is utter bollocks". The well respected dinosaur expert points out that the only way that this man (named Murdo by locals of the nearby village of Staffin) could have found himself inside the body of this sauropod is if he had been eaten. In his latest publication, he also goes further to mention that sauropods were thought to be herbivores but claims that this latest discovery may show an evolutionary shift in dinosaur dietary requirements.
The local minister who wishes to remain anonymous had a different point of view from Dr Clark, in which he said to local paper the West Highland Free Press (quote) "How can man have lived 170 million years ago? It's obvious that dinosaurs were here less than 10,000 years ago like we've (the church) have always said. Too many people have been going missing from around here, that's why I've boarded up my windows. There's a dinosaur roaming these moors!"
Film critics have been quick to jump to the aid of Dr Clark who claim that Jurassic Park and When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth was never just a dream and that it had recaptured a time where people were in fear of being devoured by dinosaurs. However, they were also fast to point out a scene in Rob Roy where he cuts open a maggot infested cow to hide from pursuing Jacobites. "Perhaps he was just hiding from Vikings and the rancid smell of dinosaur guts got the better of him? Either way, man and dinosaur must have been around at the same time..." mentioned one geeky nerd.
The fossilised remains of the Cetiosaur and Murdo are currently on display at the Staffin Museum where museum curator Dugald Ross is expecting visitor numbers to the island to soar. The debate between creationists and paleontologists rages on, although Highland Constabulary are also appealing for families in the Skye and Lochalsh area to take head-counts of family members on a regular basis until the debate has been resolved. "Any islander who knows of anyone missing or feels that a relative may have been eaten by a dinosaur should contact us immediately" said Laurie Stewart, Chief Superintendent (Head of Support Services).
The British Geological Survey were unavailable for comment, although Loch Ness Monster enthusiasts across the globe have been getting rather excited all of a sudden.
- "Good Parenting Guide for Dinosaurs." ', December 01, 2003