UnNews:Dictators hail Jewish peace plan

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

14 June 2009

"Oh, those Jew, so crevver! Why I no tink of dat? Dis will shut American mederrers up leally good, now I peace maker, too!"

TEL AVIV, Zion - Today, Zionist Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave his approval to a sovereign Palestinian state. He said, "I call on you, our Palestinian neighbors, and to the leadership of the Palestinian Authority: Let us begin peace negotiations immediately, without preconditions."

But actually, the "without preconditions" part is only to apply to the "Palestinian neighbors", Netanyahu having a few conditions himself. Just small conditions, really, hardly worth even mentioning. The Palestinian state to recognize Israel as a 'Jewish State', to let Israel control Jerusalem, to let Israel keep all those settlements, to let Israel keep territories taken in previous wars, and for the Palestinian state to have no military capability or defenses whatsoever.

China, North Korea and Russia were three of the many nations to hail this move as a shining example of statesmanship. Officials from Pyongyang instantly released a statement from Kim Jong Il saying, "We admire the magnificent gesture of the Jews to the Palestinians. Our People's Democratic Republic is just as generous. We will immediately recognize the sovereignity of South Korea 'without preconditions', so long as they let us administer Seoul, disband their military, and send the U.S. forces home. You're welcome!"

Similarly, Beijing announced that it would recognize Taiwan and Tibet as sovereign states, 'without preconditions', just that their capitals will be ruled by China, Chinese can settle there at will, and neither Taiwan or Tibet will ever have so much as a boy scout with a jackknife around.

It is believed that Russia is offering an identical peace plan to Chechnya. Oddly enough, the reaction of South Korea, Taiwan, Tibet and Chechnya do not seems as grateful as one might have hoped. Apparently they don't feel that it's much of a deal, and seem to be following Palestine's lead in ingratitude.

The consensus of the leaders of North Korea, China, Russia and several dozen African dictatorships was best summed up by Prime Minister Netanyahu: "Well, you can't say Israel didn't try! No one can say that we aren't a moral beacon to the world, now!"

Sources

• Staff "Netanyahu accepts limited Palestinian state" Associated Press, June 14, 2009