UnNews:DC to get Yeltsin "underpants" statue

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1 February 2011

The proposed Boris Yeltsin statue. It will be called the "Drunken Fart in the Underpants."
"Gimme another vodka--and don't be stingy-ski."

WASHINGTON, D.C. --The U.S. government plans to cast a statue of Boris Yeltsin to honor his visit here in the 1990s.

Following the unveiling of a sculpture of the late Russian president in Yekaterinburg, President Barack Obama's administration has given the go-ahead for a similar honor to be made here in memory of Yeltsin's 1995 visit. It will commemorate the incident when Yeltsin was found in Washington trying to hail a cab while only wearing underpants. He was arrested by the police, who failed to recognize it was the Russian leader just engaging in some traditional boozy horseplay after a particularly grueling succession of meetings with then-President Bill Clinton.

The statue's location is as yet under decided or what it will be made of. One suggestion is to use either empty vodka bottles or recycled underpants (courtesy of China). The American government cannot afford a more traditional material such as bronze, though one off-the-record briefing said the statue wouldn't be upright for long, -- either suggesting it will be a shoddy piece of work or may collapse to the ground in a drunken stupor in profound imitation of the late Russian leader.

Yeltsin, who died in 2007, is now regarded by many Russians as a transitional leader, the one who finds where all the booze is after years of Communism, drinks the cellar dry, and then sobers up to turn into a grim Vladimir Putin or Dmitri Medvedev. As a Russian source told UnNews (psssst. The bribe you asked for is in the post):

You knew where you with Boris Yeltsin. He was the type of guy who would buy a round of drinks and be on the third bottle before you had barely smelled your own glass. He was a man of the people in a way Putin or Medvedev can never be. Bottoms up, Boris, and I hope you didn't have any holes in those pants you wore in America.

The decision to go with the semi-nude statue of Yeltsin was said to be Hillary Clinton's idea. It is rumored that the pedestal will be big enough to take another statue; so perhaps in a few years' time, Yeltsin will be joined by a red-nosed Bill Clinton clutching a woman's dress and checking for stains.

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