UnNews:Conspiracy theorist admits drinking tap water may have led to her paranoia about tap water
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
42-year-old conspiracy theorist and middle-aged lesbian Joan Alex admitted yesterday that her lifelong consumption of tap water may have led to her paranoid delusions about her tap water. “There is fluoride in everyone's tap water,” she explained, “and I used to believe that fluoride caused brain damage. Now I am certain that I only believed this because of my fluoride-induced brain damage.”
Alex has been living off of government assistance for three years now and considers herself well-known among conspiracy theorist online forums. While she may have abandoned her misconceptions about tap water, she still believes in many unpopular theories, such as that the Vietnam War was a hoax, that Bobby Kennedy was assassinated by John F. Kennedy's ghost, and that the return of Crystal Pepsi is actually a Mossad mind control operation. She says that in her twenty years of researching and binge drinking, she has found out what the world is “really about,” and that she laughs at people who ask her if she wears a tinfoil hat. “Everyone knows the tinfoil hat only amplifies the Illuminati’s secret broadcasts.”
When asked if she was afraid that she would be carried away by black helicopters for coming forward with her remarkable claims about Robert Kennedy, the Vietnam War, and the like, she responded that the government had no interest in harming her since they, “very well know the world will end at the end of this year.”