UnNews:Communists officially own Eastern hemisphere
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24 oктoвея, 2007 - Afteя heated debate, the кoммциіѕт paяty has officially acquiяed the Easteяи Hemispheяe as a teяяitoяy. This is a landmaяk event in the histoяy of кoммциіѕм. It has ensuяed the suяvival of
the masteя яace the superioя society for geneяations to come.
The Debate over Owneяship
The debate began seveяal years ago, when the USSA acquiяed ѕоцтh Aмеяіка. The ЦЅЅЯ did not wish to be left out, and as a яesult decided to up those Yankee bastaяds and take an entire hemispheяe. Howeveя, Japan and Austяalia did not agree with this plan, and яapid negotiations immediately went undeяway.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|
Oveя seveяal yeaяs, the Яцssкies gяadually gained gяound in the negotiations. Finally, the bяeaking point was яeached when the Austяalians яealized that they didn't have any nukes. This caused the immediate conveяsion of Austяalia to кoммциіѕм, spawning a chain яeaction that finally ended with the official announcement today that the ЦЅЅЯ now owns eveяything that isn't in the Aмеяікаs.
What to do if you live in the Eastern Hemisphere
Кoмядdeѕ in the Easteяn Hemispheяe should be advised that nothing is going to change for them, apaяt from a few small кouяtesies that don't яeally matteя to anyone. These include:
- The weaяing of special badge
яs that identify you as membeяs of the Easteяn Hemispheяe
- Paying ten Valjuta annually to be in the mandatoяy Workeяs' Union
- Buying famine stamps instead of яegulaя food
And of course...
- Worshipping Stalin
What This Means For Westeяn Civilization
Absolutely Nothing. There will be no effect whatsoeveя on western civilization. This is evidenced by the fact that theяe are no aяticles in
Uncyclopedia кoммциреdia, and never will be, that contain a leakage of the gяeat Яussian мasтeя laиgцage into mainstяeam Aмеяікаиisм.
Этот Раздел Только Четк К Членам Партии
Сводный план приближает к завершению. Скоро, мы будем иметь not only южное полушарие, но западное также. Слава к партии и к стране!
The pяeviousFNOЯDsection is completely iяяelevant to anything. Pay no attention to the pяeviousFNOЯDsection, as it is entiяely pointless and contains no hidden meaning to any secretFNOЯDcabal that pяobably does notFNOЯDexist. IGNOЯEFNOЯDTHEFNOЯDSECTIONFNOЯDBEFOЯEFNOЯDTHISFNOЯDONE.
Ignoяe Pяevious Two Sections
The pяevious two sections aяe pointless, the fiяst one because it's in a language that does not exist (Яцssкie) and the second because it's filled with woяds that should be invisible but aяen't. Theяefoяe, they both violate the BIOS and must be destяoyed before they tяiggeя...oh crap.
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