UnNews:Bush vetoes budget, "Takeout bill" returns to Congress

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

3 May 2007

The argument over food has temporarily sidelined discussion of the Iraq problem

Washington, DC -- In a turn of events that "disappointed" members of Congress, Bush has vetoed the most recent budget proposal, a provision to provide lunches in the Capitol building cafeteria. The lunches are free for all members of the House, Senate, Supreme Court, and Presidential Cabinet. It has been a major sticking point of the last election cycle, and figures to be one of the major legacies of Bush's career, namely, the fact that he seems to favor Chinese food.

"This is reckless and irresponsible behavior," said an obviously hungry Nancy Pelosi, D-Ca, "How are we supposed to proceed without a lunch plan? It's time this President woke up and realized that there's a new Congress in town and we're not to stand for this kind of behavior."

The problem, it appears, is that the Congress's bill had a provision demanding that Bush order something other than Chinese for June. While it still allowed Bush to order Chinese as much as he'd like this month, it provides a new restriction on the Exective Branch, specifically the ability to choose what the three branches will be eating for lunch. This was one of the many powers Bush was given under the "golden years" of Bush's Presidency, when Republicans controlled all three of the major branches of the Government.

"For God's sake," said a visibly famished Bill Richardson, D-NM, "I love Moo Goo Gai Pan as much as the next guy, but can't we order a pizza now and then? Maybe a hamburger or something? Man cannot live on fried rice alone."

"Look, I don't care how many tacos that guy wants," said Mitch McConnel R-Ky. "He's just going to have to live with the fact that Bush, and his staff, have a craving for egg rolls that won't go away. I've been enjoying the Peking Duck this week, last week I ate wontons, and next week I'll probably enjoy the crab rangoon. I don't see what the big deal here is."

But many Democrats insist that it is a big deal. "If I see another piece of sweet-and-sour chicken, I swear to God I'm going to puke," said a skeletal Ted Kennedy, D-Ma. Then, to prove his point, he turned around and vomited all over the floor of the Senate. "Ugh, just thinking about it is revolting. No, I'm not going to clean it up. This is Bush's mess, and it's his responsibility to get us out of it." He then sat in his seat, which happened to be right where he had been standing while talking to me. "I'm afraid it appears we're all still going to have to live with his failures as President for a year and a half, but the least he could do is get us some decent food around here."

Bush's Press Secretary would not comment on the veto, only noting that Bush "likes Chinese" and that Congress should '"lighten up."

Sources

• Enzo Ferrari "Entire nation of China guffaws at what Americans laugingly call "Chinese food"" UNN, May 3, 2007