UnNews:Bush's Approval Rating Falls Below Zero
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 April 2006
(Washington, DC) The latest CNN\Gallup poll reveals that President George W. Bush's approval rating has hit a new low, falling just below 0%, to -5% (margin of error 2%). The president's ratings have been dropping steadily since his 2nd term election, and are now approaching Nixon's Watergate-era approval rating of negative twenty percent.
Skeptics question how an approval rating can fall below zero percent, but Gallup pollsters explained that "The people we called would call us back later to express their disapproval again and again. They also got their friends to call." Thus, out of 1050 people surveyed, Gallup received 1102 negative responses.
The White House dismissed the numbers as meaningless. Spokesman Scott McClellan said, "What's important is that this administration is moving forward on issues important to the American people, like increasing gas prices. We'll hit $4 soon, I promise." It isn't clear if president Bush himself is aware of the low ratings, although even his new chief of staff Josh Bolten disapproves of the way his boss is handling the job.
But anonymous White House sources say Bush relies on his astrologist, Miss Cleo, instead. When reached by UnNews, Miss Cleo refused to comment, saying she would do so only if paid $2.99 per minute. She added "Call me now!" in a thick fake Jamaican accent.
Democrats hope Bush's low approval ratings will translate into votes for them during November's midterm congressional election. This despite the fact that their party's own approval rating is hovering in the single digits. The Gallup poll revealed only one person of note has an approval rating above 10% - American Idol contestant Katharine McPhee. "But that's only because she's cute," argued political strategist Karl Rove.
To prevent this problem in the future, approval polls will be measured solely in Kelvin.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- AP "http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060424/ts_nm/bush_poll_dc" "", April 24, 2006