UnNews:Angelina Jolie to have buttocks removed
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Actress Angelina Jolie has announced she is to have her buttocks removed as a preventative measure against cancer.
Writing in the New York Times, Jolie said she chose to have the surgery as she carries a gene that gave her a 50% risk of developing colon cancer.
Two years ago, Jolie, whose mother died from cancer, had a double mastectomy, leading to the loss of her lovely 34c naturals.
While the vast majority of people around the world have lauded the actress' bravery and frankness, some fans have expressed their dismay.
Joe Keane, who discovered masturbation when the first Tomb Raider movie was released, told UnNews: "I used to be focused totally on her tits, obviously. Then the whole mastectomy thing kind of squashed that - and so in recent years I have turned my attention mostly to thinking about sodomizing Angelina.
"How am I supposed to do that if I don't even know what I'm tapping, whether it's a prosthetic, a cushion, or just like, an absence of ass?"
Taking a more conservationist approach is the Hollywood Museum of Film. They paid $2.2m for the breasts Angelina had removed, and are now said to be bidding for her buttocks.
"Before we just had a waxwork model of her, but having her actual boobs glued on it really boosted visitor numbers," one source at the museum told us. "If we can incorporate her real ass into the waxwork, boy, we would be just a pair of lips away from the perfect tourist attraction."
See also[edit | edit source]
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage "Angelina Jolie has ovaries and fallopian tubes removed" BBC, March 24, 2015