UnNews:Alien Gods descend to earth and take sacrifices
This is a warning from the foundation of X that Alien Gods are descending to earth to take your children as sacrifices to what they claim as the biggest god of the cosmos, Also known as the "Gggopyef-Asfdsdd". Reports say that the alien gods descended to earth have appearances like thi, from least dangerous to most dangerous:
- A gold haired woman with the wings of a robotic eagle, the tail of a scorpion and the feet of a dragon. She will take your kid just by staring at him or her from the heights of the sky. If you don't want your kid to be caught, always have them stay indoors as long as possible so it cannot remote kidnap your children. If you see it appearing near you, shout "GAY JEWS!" and it will leave.
- A dragon with the body of an octopus. If you see this alien god, show your cellphone to the god. preferably use an Iphone because it hates iphones.
- A gigantic floating dildo coming out from a floating computer. If you see this god GRAB YOUR KIDS AND RUN AWAY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN because it has no weaknesses. It will take your children by voring them with the dildo part of its body.
- A buddha-like figure in rainbow. If you see this god, good luck because there is no way escaping your kid from it. Thank god it only appears in thursdays and in midnight from 1am to 5am and never enters houses. Also, it can steal your children and teleport him to outer space just by appearing.
If you see them, please report to the foundation of X by dialing 1777 7777 if you spot them and even survive (Or your kid survives). We are already dealing with the situation by unleashing Grues from hell. We don't know what will happen next, however.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|