UnNews:Actor Undergoes Emergency Pocket-Watch Related Surgery
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 March 2006
Earlier today, beloved actor Christopher Walken was forced to undergo emergency invasive surgery, after it was discovered that he had a pocket watch lodged in his anus. Friends and family stated that they believed the intrusion to be due to a requirement that Walken wholeheartedly accepted during the filming of the production 'Pulp Fiction' citing that Walken never actually removed the pocket watch due to forgetting about it after numerous takes. The necessity of the invasive surgery was explained by the administering doctor at John Hopkins where Walken is being treated:
"The result of not removing the Pocket watch has resulted in a unique effect that one can experience when in the sea; whilst one would expect the object to be expelled, an undercurrent situation has evolved, which has resulted in the watch being pulled further up the rectum with each defecation session"
Many in the acting community have expressed shock, and Tarantino himself has sent his deepest apologies to Walken's family, however, the esteemed actor is expected to make a full recovery. The watch, when removed, is planned to be sold at a public auction on eBay to raise money for the AssObjéts Charity which provides help and support for victims and families with foreign bodies lodged in their rectum.