UnBooks:Uncyclopedia Owner's Manual

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From UnBooks, the content-free textbook collection
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Congratulations! If you are reading this manual that means that you have purchased your very own Uncyclopedia. Inside this manual you will find all the information you require to set up and start running your Uncyclopedia, maintain the Uncyclopedia over time, and overcome common problems.

Each Uncyclopedia is a state-of-the-art comedy-centric website designed by highly paid developers at the Uncyclomedia Foundation to ask the question "What is funny?" As of this writing no Uncyclopedia has ever answered the question.

Set Up

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First remove your Uncyclopedia from the box. Handle with care! Your Uncyclopedia is young and will at first be disoriented by the change in environment. You will need to prepare a cool dry place for your Uncyclopedia to live. Uncyclopedias have been known to quickly adapt to a variety of different climates over time, but while yours is young you should closely monitor its reactions to heat and cold.

Uncyclopedias require a diet of raw potatoes and alcohol. A growing Uncyclopedia requires 15 meals a day so be sure to have plenty of potatoes and alcohol on hand. On special occasions you should feed your Uncyclopedia high-grade narcotics, you will be glad you did. Feed your Uncyclopedia often.

After you've made your Uncyclopedia comfortable and fed it its first meal you will want to set up the internet antenna. The antenna must be built outside with a clear view of the sky, because that's how the internet works. You will want to install the antenna in your backyard or on your roof. The process of building the antenna should take you a month. After you have completed the antenna simply plug in your Uncyclopedia with the provided internet cord. Don't forget to feed your Uncyclopedia while you build the antenna!

Users

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The novel Uncyclopedia Owner's Manual is also available in paperback.

After you have finished setting up your Uncyclopedia you will be ready to start getting users. After all, you will need an audience for your hilarious articles. You will want to attract users of different ages. Studies have proven that young users are willing to do large amounts of manual labour but lack a developed sense of humour, while older users have a well developed sense of humour but can rarely be bothered to do anything. Holding writing contests with cash prizes is a good way to ensure that older users actually create new content for your Uncyclopedia, and some younger users may try very hard and produce something decent for the first time in their life.

Currently nobody has been able to devise a foolproof method for attracting new users to an Uncyclopedia. Get creative and come up with your own method. Don't forget to feed your Uncyclopedia!

Maintenance

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Along with feeding your Uncyclopedia on a regular basis, you will need to perform regular maintenance. Uncyclopedias require a bath every 2 days. Make sure to unplug your Uncyclopedia from its antenna before bathing, and then dry it completely before you plug it back in. After baths apply Uncyclopedia Wax for a shine the ladies will love (available exclusively at the Uncyclomedia Shop)

Your Uncyclopedia's website will need maintenance too. Having a large userbase will be helpful in this regard. Maintaining an Uncyclopedia is very simple, but will require a large amount of time. The four principles of good Uncyclopedia maintenance are: delete the shitty pages, revert the shitty edits, ban the shitty people, feed your Uncyclopedia.

Common Problems

Q: My Uncyclopedia is hungry, what do I do?

A: Feed your Uncyclopedia.

Q: Vandals have taken control of my Uncyclopedia.

A: Feed your Uncyclopedia.

Q: I think my girlfriend is a lesbian, what should I do?

A: Feed your Uncyclopedia.

Q: I think I fed my Uncyclopedia too much. Is that possible?

A: No. It is impossible to feed your Uncyclopedia too much.

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