Tiddles
Tiddles, Destroyer of Galaxies is one of the universe’s most feared entities, second only to Chuck Norris. Taking the form of an innocent kitty most of the time, Tiddles, Destroyer of Galaxies transforms into a giant killer robot and blows stuff up for fun when nobody is looking. Most of these explosions are attributed to suicide bombings, pyromaniacs, and people attempting to create cold fusion in coffee cups.
Hobbies[edit | edit source]
Tiddles, Destroyer of Galaxies, enjoys many of life’s simple things, including bowls of milk, tuna, catnip, long walks on the beach, poetry, classic painting and sculpture, the aforementioned blowing random things up, and jingly balls. Tiddles, Destroyer of Galaxies, also enjoys more complex things like neuroscience, quantum physics, conceptual mathematics, and attempting to understand Canadians.
Life Story[edit | edit source]
Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES was born December 1999. His exact date of birth is unknown as his father is a chronic alcoholic and his mother is just an unco-operative, conservative bitch, and Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES, has unknown whereabouts as of this date. He wasn’t a large cat but he was fat and sassy. In fact, he was quite small but powerful. He played a large role in the assassination of JFK.
Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES, was a name given to him by his street gang (Run by a strange female known as demon 216 on runescape). This name was originally fictional and meant as a joke. He was a lifelong member of the Crips, and used his Satantic powers to eliminate the Bloods from the face of the Earth. “Our powers get stronger every day, get stronger every day!!” and “Bitchin’” were commonly used quotes of Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES. These quotes were frequently used in street gangs and were a fad started by Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES, buying him significant street cred.
Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES’ father was an alley cat called King Tinkles, born in 1987 who ruled the streets of New York with a iron fist and a steel pimp hand for bitch slappin’ any ho’s that got out of line. In 1996, Tinkles met Tiffles, and in the summer of 1999, they overdosed on catnip, and Tiffles got knocked up. The pair had already agreed never to have children, but seeing as it was coming into Christmas and there was so many abortions to perform, every abortion clinic within 100 miles was booked out for 3 months, they decided to keep the baby.
2 weeks later, Tiffles gave birth to Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES, a singular kitten in a litter of 1. After 3 days with a screaming baby and a bitch of a girlfriend, Tinkles left Tiffles and Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES on their own and set off to achieve his recently acquired life long dream - to become the coach of the NY Yankees. This is just the beginning of Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES, eventful new life.
By the age of 2, Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES was already dealing drugs and pimpin’ ho’s. He was busted at 3 ½ and sentenced to a week in jail and 5 hours of community service. Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES refused his sentence and paid a $50,000 bail using money made from his drug work.
At the age of 4, Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES joined the NASA space crew and became an astronaut. He travelled to the moon several times and was also the first feline to ever set paw on Mars. He worked for NASA for 3 years.
After returning to Earth, he was offered work as a carny back in NY. He ran an array of amusement rides at the local theme park, Mechaland. He was fired from Mechaland after 3 weeks for spitting in the drinks at the food court and shooting birds out back. After 6 months of unemployment, Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES used his previous NASA ID to sneak into NASA HQ and steal a rocket of significant size. Christ only knows how he managed to launch a rocket on his own, or board it without attracting attention, but by god, he did it fast.
The rocket launched successfully as Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES hurtled at 1000mp/h towards outer space. Sucessful training had tought him well. After days of travelling, Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES arrived at a safe distance from all planets within the Milky Way. It was from this location that he finalised his doomsday detonator. You see, over the years, he had fixed numerous atomic bombs on a number of planets he had visited, and several on the planet Earth. He had acquired these bombs from a friendly traveller some years back, and was thrilled at the opportunity to finally use them. As Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES pushed the detonate button, he sat back with a slice of Space Cake and admired the blast of one of many galaxy detonations he would experience in the years to come. This was the last known report of Tiddles, DESTROYER OF GALAXIES, ever filed. His whereabouts are now unknown. [life story by mela! and annie.]
CIA Warning[edit | edit source]
None of this ever happened, this entire article was written by a nasty commie spy. Forget you ever read this. Or Else.