Talk:Walls
From Pee Review[edit source]
User:TheLedBalloon/Walls[edit source]
Created after reading that page on the creative process. I found the funny in walls.....or did I???? Please tell me. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon 
(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:31, Aug 27, 2007
| Humour: | 8 | Quite funny most of the way through. My suggestion is to spread out the redundancy a bit though. Early on there's not so much, and later on it just kind of piles on. It is a good redundancy though. |
| Concept: | 10 | Can't say I've ever thought that "Walls" would be a particularly hilarious article. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | The parentheses areas are a little messy; other than that, fine. |
| Images: | 10 | Just fine, these images are. |
| Miscellaneous: | 10 | 10 points for making this subject funny. |
| Final Score: | 47 | So yes. Think about the Humo(u)r comment, and fix a bit with the parentheses. Only other thing is the author dying near the end really didn't seem all that relevant, or even very funny. That's about it. You've got a pretty solid article here. |
| Reviewer: | RAHB 08:40, 27 August 2007 (UTC) | |
From Pee Review (take two)[edit source]
Walls[edit source]
Second opinions are off the hizzy. Please review very much please. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:09, Aug 31, 2007
| Humour: | 7 | Holy flying bovines! I like it. I like it alot. The one thing I would suggest, though, is to be a bit more subtle. Sort of. It's hard to describe in these little boxes, so see endnotes. |
| Concept: | 10 | I hate extended metaphors, and, therefore, love anything that makes fun of them. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | There ought to be spaces before and after the parenthesis. Nothing major. |
| Images: | 10 | Walls! |
| Miscellaneous: | 10 | I like tens. They make boxes go green. |
| Final Score: | 46 | This article holds up not only the ceiling, but my spirit. |
| Reviewer: | – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:56 Aug 31, 2007 | |
Okay, here's my one suggestion. The extended metaphors are funny enough without the little side comments. Take something like this:
Ah, walls. If the government is the foundation, and minorities are the floor that gets trampled on, then walls are the "walls" that hold up the massive, domed ceiling of society(Wow, what a great metaphor I've invented. I'll have to reuse this...).
And try it more like this:
Walls. If the government is the foundation, and minorities are the floor that gets trampled upon, then walls are the "walls" that hold up the massive, domed ceiling of society.
I think a lot of the parentheses and italic formatting can be excluded, because they dull the stupidity (and the humor) of the extended metaphor. "Walls play a vital role in "holding up" the ceiling of the economy(Wow, this metaphor just gets better and better, every time I use it!)." could work just fine without the side comments. Or, if you really want to keep them, I'd suggest making footnotes?
Other than that, I found the thing hilarious. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:56 Aug 31, 2007
- Yes, I think I will make them footnotes. Thanks for the review, Dr. S! P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon
(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:31, Aug 31, 2007
Genius. --Rilstix 13:15, 11 September 2007 (UTC)