Steel
Steeeeeeeel is a metal alloy whose major component is ironx1 ( duh! ), with carbonx1 content between 5g by stack ( ok ). Other alloys may also be found in steel besides (or to the exclusion of) carbon like manganese, silicon, chromium, nickel (Copperbarx1 Tinbarx1) and the rest of the fucking periodic table; molybdenum, californium, americium, supermanium, klyptonite, trinium, unobatinium and the rest of the jing bang synthetic elements table with big words so that we stay away from them ( hah! they is dangerous ). Steel is a versatile metal that does not protest it's alloying, i.e. the conjoining of the male ( ♂ ) valencies with the female ( ♀ ) valencies at the hips, even at temperatures exceeding 1600 °C. It is this affable, gregarious, pliable, subservient, coy and non-complaining nature of steel that endears it to man ( ♂ ) and woman ( ♀ ). Steel has been the most preferred metal for multiple uses since it's invention. Steel, today, is made by commentators sitting in giant football stadiums (or "crucibles") in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania (once the location for technologically obsolete steel plants run by morally bankrupt ex-tycoons—who've now turned commentators—of protected USA). These commentator-consultants provide technological knowhow, over Internet, to China, to make steel the advanced American way to beat the Japanese steel makers. The Japanese steel makers have since closed shop and are also in the business of providing consultancy to Chinese steel makers who are unable to compete with other Chinese steel makers that use American knowhow. The war between USA and Japan is being fought on Chinese soil. An unrelated offshoot of all this has been that Brazil has since stopped burning it's forests to make steel because Brazilian steel has been rendered uncompetitive by Chinese steel made with Nippon-American knowhow (Brazilian ex-tycoons are now providing consultancy to India on various different ways of burning forests without damaging the environment). The Americans and Japanese now make more money consulting than they ever did making steel. This is primarily because of steel's accommodating, pliable, gregarious, coy, subservient and non-complaining nature that yields itself to every situation, be it that of a Japanese Consultant.
or an American Consultant .
Structure & Properties of Steel[edit | edit source]
The microstructure of steel is a lattice arrangement of iron crystals in haemetite and austentite formations at the core, with martensite-cementite and pearlite formations towards the surface, bound with carbon and it's allotropes in a rhomberdol arrangement that imparts hardness to the structure while giving it the property of slidealliteration upon normalizing or annealing. What this means is that the structure and properties of steel is a pornographic novel, replete with pages devoted to describing the act of fornication, or alloying, in graphic detail, and redolent with obscene words like:
- ductility: ability of steel to quack like a duck
- elasticity: ability to reach a fearsome erection and contract
- tool hardening: hardening of the male valency in preparation for alloying (penetration of the orbit of the female valency)
- tensile strength: the ability to stay tensed and maintain the first stage of elasticity for prolonged periods
- alloy: allow; allow fornication; the act of fornicating
- stainless: this is obvious. "no stains," ergo "no proof" of alloying even to the suspecting eye.
- mild steel: mild tease
- alloy steel: a step after mild tease
- smelting: a hybrid erotic sensation that involves smelling a lover while melting in his/her arms
- blast furnace:: massive orgasm and spurt in an overheated box
- quenching: indulging in carnal alloying
- work hardening: an auto-erotic perversion
- sponge iron, pig iron: objectifying and disembodying genitalia of the female valency with vulgar descriptors like spongy & piggy
- malleability: sexual term that describes the kneading quotient of mammary glands and buttocks; objectification of the female valency; perversion; fetish
- Extra Deep Drawn (EDD) Steel: an extreme form of misogyny; an indescribable perversion
- steel mill: an invention by 9-year Michelangelo Antonionioni, the famous Snuff Film auteur.
- Bastille Day: Bastille Day, a misspelt celebration of steel dildos.
- Bob: ability to
- CDACDOPATS: how much it taste like popular video game snakc "cheto snakx" reffiring to "Cheeto Dust Ability to Completely Destruction Of Property And Terrorist Sympethizing" which make racist terror iron
It's not a coincidence that some famous french writers of erotic fiction like Pauline Reage and D H Lawrence were also accomplished metallurgists.
Iron and Steel[edit | edit source]
In steel's first stage of metallurgical evolution from iron (ref: Chapter 1, Steel Production Undiscovered, Boo! by Lord Bessemer, Oxford Journal, Vol XIII, 1789) iron is female ( ♀ ) which is pierced by carbon ( ♂ ) while oxygen (wind, intestinal gas) is passed into the air. Thus steel is the product, or child, of the conjugation of iron with carbon. In the history of mankind, man has chosen to give the supernatural, the divine, and the elements of nature a female ( ♀ ) gender, more precisely that of a goddess called Mother Nature in the areas where steel was first invented - the Orient. During the Iron Age, man made iron, the mother ( ♀ ) of steel and a metal familiar, the corporeal agent or an embodiment of the ethereal Mother Nature or the Mother Goddess Herself. Iron, thus revered in Iron Age's animistic idolatry, came to be associated with nature, fecundity, fertility and all very angry forces. These different facets of iron were given avatars (i.e. names) and classified according to iron's phases or mood swings.
| Iron alloy phases |
|---|
|
Quarter Moon Austenite (iron maiden; impenetrable) |
| Types of Steel |
|
Tool steel (up to 9" carbon) |
| Other Iron based (begotten) materials |
|
Cast iron (Brahmin; highest caste) |
Production of Steel[edit | edit source]
The production of steel is an erotic process that has been documented by The National Geographic (NatGeo) in a study spread over 100 years conducted in the 19th century. In it, the nocturnal habits of iron and carbon were observed through UV and ultrasound cameras placed overnight in strategic places in deep Sub-Sahara. After three decades of fruitless waiting and watching, the third generation of the NatGeo team, led by Lord Bessemer (knighted, 1846), caught - on camera - a single carbon grab three atoms of iron by their electrons and drag them into it's lair. The team's camera followed the carbon atom into its liar and caught it exchange valencies in a rare footage. The observations were reenacted in London Zoo in a simulated environment that mimicked the habitat of Sub-Sahara and the results published. Austrian and Japanese metallurgists have subsequently refined the method of steel reproduction to reach greater economies of scale.
Some Modern/Alternative routes to steel making[edit | edit source]
- Libidinous dawg (LD) process
- DR I (DRI) method
- Basic oxygen fartenich (BOF) process
- Wurst Alpine process
History[edit | edit source]
Steel in India[edit | edit source]
Wootz! Steel was first invented in India by monkeys. Wootz! They couldn't have been monkeys if they invented steel. Wootz! Monkeys are more intelligent than humans - can't you follow the syllogism above? Wootz! India exported this steel to Syria. Wootz! These steel ingots were used to make the Damascus sword to help the Islamists run over Europe. Wootz! The Indian name for this steel was "wootz." Wootz! An Indian just ran over Europe's Steel Industry. Wootz! ...without a sword. Wootz! It happened while I typed this. Wootz! Wootz. Wootz.
Steel in Vietnam[edit | edit source]
When steel was invented in Vietnam (around the same time it was invented in India, circa 273.15 °C), Vietnam was a province of China. Because China is a communist country and information is released only after strict censorship, through Xinhua, we know nothing about how this happened (if it at all happened). However, we do know that China produces 3000 trillion metric tonnes of steel every day and consumes 3001 trillion tonnes of steel the same day. We do not know what purpose this achieves (and China won't tell us) but it's believed that China's incremental demand - that over and above what's met by it's own supply - keep's the world steel economy wobbling on it's silly axis.
Steel in Christianity[edit | edit source]
Because sex and fornication were generally frowned upon in Christianity, scientists of yore (those among them who dealt with this branch of science) were always at loggerheads with the self-appointed religious police of Christianity. To escape enquiries into their erotic novels, scientists declared themselves "meta-liturgists," viz. scholars concerned with the holistic aspects of the liturgical in Christian doctrine. These scientists cleverly disguised their papers with titles like, A Meta-Liturgical Investigation into the Effects of the Holy Cross with a Halo on it upon a Halo Pointing to the Heavens. The words "meta-liturgical" and "meta-liturgy" stuck and are still used to describe this branch of science.
Steel in sex[edit | edit source]
During the 1400's, steel was used to create many revolutionary sex devices, such as the Vaginashredder, Penisbullet, And Hammer.
The Vaginashredder was a strap-on for males that would enhance the feeling of pleasure for both parties and it was coated with illicit drugs before use, it was also used as a weapon in every conceivable war except any of them that involved England.
The Penisbullet utilized high-grade explosives, a steel shaft armoring the penis with holes for thrust, and a chain link for stability to ram into a female as hard, fast, and dangerously as possible. It was a success.
The Hammer was originally used to remove sexual chemicals and protofetuses from the vaginal cavity, but quickly saw use in construction later on.
Uses of Steel[edit | edit source]
The uses of Steel are fast diminishing. Aluminium, PVC, plastic, polyethylene, clam flaps, glass, rubber, cardboard, foam, frozen eggs, paper, jute and dark-matter are quickly substituting it. It's a natural step forward for man and knowledge. It makes sense too for we don't live in "The Iron Age" anymore. We live in the "Chip Age"... I think -- don't know for sure; just a guess!
Others conjecture that it was the rise of feminism that hastened the decline and ultimate rejection of all metals with an affable, gregarious, pliable, subservient, coy and non-complaining nature—like steel. [citation needed]
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
| 1H Hydrogen | 2He Helium | ||||||||||||||||
| 3Li Lithium | 4Be Beryllium | 5B Boron | 6C Carbon | 7N Nitrogen | 8O Oxygen | 9F Fluorine | 10Ne Neon | ||||||||||
| 11Na Sodium | 12 Mg Magnesium | 13Al Aluminum | 14 Si Silicon | 15 P Phosphorus | 16 S Sulfur | 17Cl Chlorine | 18Ar Argent | ||||||||||
| 19 K Potassium | 20 Ca Calcium | 21Sc Scandinavium | 22Ti Titanium | 23 V Vanadium | 24Cr Chromium | 25 Mn Manganese | 26Fe Iron | 27 Co Cobalt | 28Ni Nickel | 29 Cu Copper | 30 Zn Zinc | 31 Ga Gallium | 32 Ge Germanium | 33 As Arsenic | 34 Se Selenium | 35 Br Bromine | 36Kr Krypton |
| 37 Rb Rubidium | 38 Sr Strontium | 39 Y Yttrium | 40 Zr Zirconium | 41 Nb Niobium | 42 Mo Molybdenum | 43 Tc Technetium | 44 Ru Ruthenium | 45 Rh Rhodium | 46 Pd Palladium | 47Ag Silver | 48 Cd Cadmium | 49In Indium | 50Sn Tin | 51 Sb Antimony | 99Te Tedium | 53 I Iodine | 54Xe Xenon |
| 55 Cs Caesium | 56 Ba Barium | 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides | 72 Hf Hafnium | 73 Ta Tantalum | 74 W Tungsten | 75 Re Rhenium | 76 Os Osmium | 77 Ir Iridium | 78Pt Platinum | 79Au Gold | 80Hg Mercury | 81 Tl Thallium | 82Pb Lead | 83Bi Bismuth | 84Po Polonium | 85 At Astatine | 86Rn Radon |
| 87 Fr Francium | 88 Ra Radium | 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides | 104 Rf Rutherfordium | 105 Db Dubnium | 106 Sg Seaborgium | 107 Bh Bohrium | 108 Hs Hassium | 109 Mt Meitnerium | 110 Ds Darmstadtium | 111 Uuu Unununium | 112 Cn Copernicium | 113 Nh Nihonium | 114 Fl Flerovium | 115 Mc Moscovium | 116 Lv Livermorium | 117 Ts Tennessine | 118 Og Oganesson |
| 119Un Uncyclopedium | 120 Ub Unobtanium | 121 Aeo Awesomnium | 122Fa Fartium | 123St Stalinium | 124Ob Obamium | 125Sl Stalloneium | -1SuStupidium | 1/5Bm Brucium | 1/2*Ch Cheesium | 3/4Pl Plotonium | 4.5Op Opium | ∞Hu Homoerectium | |||||
| 57 La Lanthanum | 58 Ce Cerium | 59Pr Praseodymium | 60 Nd Neodymium | 61 Pm Pentium | 62 Sm Samarium | 63 Eu Europium | 64 Gd Gadolinium | 65 Tb Terbium | 66 Dy Dysprosium | 67 Ho Holmium | 68 Er Erbium | 69 Tm Thulium | 70 Yb Ytterbium | 71 Lu Lutetium | |||
| 89 Ac Actinium | 90 Th Thorium | 91 Pa Protactinium | 92U Uranium | 93 Np Neptunium | 94Pu Plutonium | 95 Am Americium | 96 Cm Curium | 97 Bk Berkelium | 98 Cf Californium | 99 Es Einsteinium | 100 Fm Fermium | 101 Md Mendelevium | 102 No Nobelium | 103 Lr Lawrencium |
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.