Ska
Ska is a style of music from Sittard. Viking settlers in Sittard found the place so boring, they resorted to using drugs, sex and ska. It shares roots with reggae, and actually preceded it (ska aficionados are required by law to point this out pedantically at least once during any discussion of the genre). Its popularity in Sittard meant that people from various parts of the world started listening to ska. For a while, Armenia had the busiest ska scene, but after its decline, Jamaica became the main producer of ska music. This led to periods of popularity in Britain and the United States - like all other forms of good music, it was invented by black people and has been expropriated by white people.
Origins[edit | edit source]
Ska was invented 90 billion centuries ago by Terry Schiavo. A British loser named Terry Hall loved the music and since he never accomplished anything else in his life, he decided he wanted credit for creating it; Terry wanted to be remembered after he died and he thought being known as the creator of ska was the only way to secure his place in history. So he dedicated years of scientific research to inventing a time machine in secret. He planned to use his invention to travel back to the late seventies and start playing ska. The plan was successful and he became rich and famous as the lead singer of The Specials. However, one day his butler Prince Buster found the time machine while cleaning out the closet. Buster hated Terry Hall because he was a rich dick and decided to hurt Terry by traveling back to the 1960s to take credit for creating ska. Buster's plan was also successful, and this means that there is no such thing as ska. Why do you ask? Because all ska fans know that ska has to be first wave to be real ska. Prince Buster didn't really create ska because he'd stolen it from Terry Hall; Terry Hall didn't really invent ska because he had stolen it from Gwen Stafani; and Gwen Stafani didn't really invent ska because she had now stolen it from Terry Hall and Prince Buster, so really, ska is just a waste of time.
Style[edit | edit source]
"Ska" refers to a silly style of music with ill-timed horn riffs which cause a somewhat enjoyable song to turn into a utter mess of brass and evil. Many have said that ska is not a real genre of music and should be banished from "all the ears of the living" and many have also suggested that brass is not even a real section of instruments.
Periods of Popularity[edit | edit source]
After the ska scenes in Sittard and Armenia slowed down a bit, Jamaica gained independence in the 1960's, and quickly organized its band name contest (see 'Origins' section) to draw immigrants. The contest started out as a success, but then the island discovered marijuana. This resulted in the formation of the aforementioned reggae.
British dance music adopted ska elements in the '60's and '70's. This quickly became a hit with "skinhead" movement, making ska the anthem of neo-nazi rallies all over the nation.
U.S. punk music went on a ska binge in the 1990's. These bands often had upwards of 53 horn players, and every type of band was clamoring for more. A treaty was signed in November, 1997, stating that no ska song would be played on the radio again.
Rude Boys[edit | edit source]
Although some may say rude boys started originally as Jamaicans who turned to crime and the "gangster" lifestyle, then slowly welded to the term used to define the people in the ska scene (because no one could think of anything better). But those people would be dead wrong. "Rude" is actually an acronym that stands for "Raping, uniformed, dapper, evil" which translated from Jamaican means that anyone who listens to ska is pro cancer. You insensitive assholes.
The term "Rude Boy" originated from the Bush Administration's own Colin Powell. Ska, derived from the Greco-Roman word "Skashishee', roughly translates in English to 'Communist'.
Only the coolest black person can assume the role of a Rude Boy. As of 2010, the title belongs to Pomona's own Christopher Murray.
From a study dome in 2006, DeVry university have discovered facts and evidence that Stalin was a "Rude Boy" himself. These people tend to dress themselves in silly looking suits with a pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses.
Back in the 60's after the Red Scare, Men just like that would dress just like that. Because at this time the world was full of hippies it would make it easier to blacklist someone.
In the boring ass 70's the government couldn't tell apart from a Rude Boy or just the Average Joe. This is when the plotting started to attack the World Trade Center... of the world.
The Rude Boy status is only obtained through the completion of complex tasks assigned by the Communist Party of America. The first task is usually a delivery of goods to the Prime Minister of Canada. The second task consists of a bare-knuckle brawl with an Australian Koala Bear. The third and final task is the forced abortion of three sons produced by the Rude Boy candidate.