Sir Alec Dow, Anagrammatist

“There is only one thing worse than being the subject of an Uncyclopedia article, and that is being the unjustly accelerated pacific noob.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Sir Alec Dow

“Warm castigator ladies' man!”

~ Sir Alec Dow, Anagrammatist on himself

Sid Carlowe, photographed here, was one of Dow's many pseudonyms.

Sir Alec Alfing O'Heliafter Swill Dow (1854-1900) is universally acknowledged as the greatest anagrammatist in the history of English literature. Born in an adobe abode at Bunlid, Rindale, his father, Sal Eric Dow, was a writer and his mother, Carol Swide, was a physician. After graduating from Foxrod University's Demganal College in 1878, Dow's brilliant career, during which he produced literally tens of thousands of anagrams on hundreds of different subjects, lasted 22 years before his untimely death of brain fatigue.

Dow was known as a defiant heterosexual who was mercilessly persecuted by English society for his "straight" sexual practices, as well as his affliction with Anagrammatic Tourette's Syndrome (ATS) - an extremely rare and highly misunderstood disease which caused many offensive outbursts, all expressed as innocuous-sounding anagrams. His knighthood, granted in 1886, was informally predicated on his willingness to first marry a man, Lloyd Constance (third son of the Duke of Kingmachub), in 1884. Unhappy about the forced marriage, Dow remained steadfast to his preferred sexual orientation, despite the mounting pressures he faced among the British elite. "I faced a coy duke with tall guns," he was known to state on several occasions, though no one to this day has successfully deciphered the (possibly ATS-derived) reference. ^[1]

Despite his professed sexual leanings, Dow was a keen amateur proctologist, and examined many famous people of the time and of other points in history, such as Adam West, Jesus and, according to rumour, Oscar Wilde. This rumour originated from a remark made by Dow when asked if he had any hobbies. The genial knight supposedly replied, "Ol' Oscar. Top git" with typical English charm.

In 1895, Dow formally accused Lord Godlauss, Marquess of Queersnerby, of libel in relation to his alleged liaison with Queersnerby's daughter, Feldra "Bison" Godlauss. Unfortunately, Dow collapsed under heavy cross-examination, admitted the scandalous heterosexual liaison, and was sentenced to two year's mixed-doubles tennis at "Gardeni Goal," a popular British health spa and beach resort. This was not his only punishment, however - Dow's works were burned in huge public bonfires by the irate English public, and tragically, most of his anagrams were rearranged to match their original sources. To this day, very few genuine Dow "couplets" currently survive, and most that are claimed to be the work of the great anagrammatist are inevitably proven to be forgeries.

Some of these forgeries are reproduced here, though many are still believed to be genuine by so-called experts. Feel free to add your own.

Sir Alec Dow's work in London Underground.

Dow on Politics

The Royal Family of Great Britain	A nail-trim oily fart fag-boy, there!
The Endless Arab-Israeli Conflict	I lend the tribes slices for a canal.
Those damned old U.S. Liberals and Conservatives	So! Osama bin Laden serves us that cold devil-nerd...
President Saddam Hussein	U.S. hid dear's inept madness.
President George W. Bush	Big spender got us... where?
Dick Cheney	Needy Chick
For Saudi Arabia's Emirs	US aims for arid air-base.
Global Warming	A grim ballgown
Abraham Lincoln	Hairball conman
Spiro Agnew	Grow a penis
George Herbert Walker Bush	Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog
Sarah Palin	Sharia Plan
Kim Il-sung of North Korea	Ole King Kim. HONOR US, FART! King Kim Sr. a fool, hurt one!
Kim Jong-il of North Korea	King Kim Jr. Not a hero, fool!
Kim Jong-un of North Korea	Honor King "Fat Joke". Mourn. More junk! Far honking, too!

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Dow on Music

Disco Sucks Big-Time	Be sick, it's Dog Music...
No Elvis, Beatles, and the Rolling Stones	Bing, don't sell these evil atonal snores!
Love Unlimited Orchestra	A custom evil Nerd-o-Hitler
Whiny Emocore	Cheney rim, woo!
You love Christian Rap.	Our holy satanic viper.

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Dow on Religion

God loves Christianity, Islam, and Judaism	Shitty cranial-mud-mass ninja dog-voles!
His Sublime Holiness The Dalai Lama	Mao smile, steal, hide his Asian hub.
Christmas Holiday Cheer	His scheme? Arch idolatry.
One Nation Under God	On One Ignorant Dude.
M.G. "Pat" Robertson	A GT porn mobster.
Creationism, creationism, creationism.	Miscreation? An eroticism? Satiric omen!
King James Bible	Jim nibbles a keg.
The Prophet Muhammad	Hmm, dope up that harem! "Homer, The Mad Hat Pump"
Westboro Baptist Church	Scab bitches throw up rot.
Hinduism	In his mud
Holy Pope	Polyp hoe
Church of Scientology	Grouchy hoes conflict.

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Dow on Economics

The Dow-Jones Industrial Average	Dude was never a jail-shitter goon!
Freakonomics	A mocker of sin.
Alan Greenspan	An age's planner.
Benjamin Bernanke	Men, Beer, Ninja, Bank...
Dr. Bernanke	Banker Nerd.
Money is the root of all evil	If it removes AOL "Hello", Y-NOT?
Marxism-Leninism	Rammin', smilin' SEX!
Capitalism must be destroyed	Steal cars? I'd best mute my iPod! Smut tape by dame led to crisis!
Grand Theft Auto	A hot fated grunt.
Liquid Assets	Quite ass lids!

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Dow on Celebrities

Vin Diesel	I end lives Idle veins
Judge Lance Ito	No get Juice, lad...
Britney Spears	Try bear's penis
Oprah Winfrey (he hated her)	Phony fire war wine for harpy! fine, warp or hay? O whiny! fear rap in: "why rape for?" fry! pain whore!
Celine Dion	Done in lice
Stephen A. Colbert	He robs PC e-talent
Bono	Noob
Chuck Norris	Crushin' rock [2]
Clint Eastwood	Old West action
L. Ron Hubbard	Blurb hard-on. Born "Lard Hub."
Oscar Wilde	Brig. Gen. Wally "No Comment" Finkelstein IV, Jr.
Napoleon Bonaparte	No! Not appear on Elba!
Tom Cruise	Moist cure Ice tumors
Axl Rose	Oral sex
Michael Jackson	Jail honks' Mecca
Michael Jackson, grammy winner	Hi Lynn! I came on Jack's rammer wong!
Gordon James Ramsay	Mad, gory mess on a jar.
Walt Disney	Lewd Sanity

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Dow on Philosophy

I wish the greatest good for the greatest number.	Where better to shit against the grudges of Rome?
True Love Travels on a Gravel Road...	Vera Larva's Rotten Log-Load Revue?
Why do we care about anything?	You can't bathe a gay whiner, Dow.
No more sad, existentialist angst.	Sex, Tits, and More Antagonist Lies!
Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth.	Ghoulish foreskin insinuates animal gluttony. -Darwin

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Dow on Art

Leonardo Da Vinci	In love, on acid? Rad! Vindaloo and rice!
Salvador Dali	Alas, Lord Diva. Larva as dildo?
Maurits Escher	Users trace him. Shit-cream user.
Hieronymous Bosch	Shoo, nosy cherubim! Honeycomb or sushi!
Frida Kahlo	Airhead folk. Hairdo flake.
Art is the greatest wisdom.	Smarts do eat white tigers. Domes eat rats with tigers.

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Dow on Sports

Major-League Baseball	Lame job, arguable seal.
Is it Super Bowl Sunday?	Buy USA! It's Penis World!
Washington Redskins	So wish ant-nerd kings.
New York Giants	Go tiny wankers!

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Dow on Trekkie Clichés

I'm a doctor, not a mason!	I'm tomato arson, can do!
You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.	Oi! Raced by us? It's all a smile. We Inuit fist eels.
Beam me up, Scotty	O, my bum! Spectate!!!

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Dow on Uncyclopedia

Uncyclopedia: The Content-Free Encyclopedia	Cynical? Defecate hyped-up, once-cool internet.
Uncyclopedia: The Content-Free Encyclopedia Anyone Can Edit	Indecency unacceptance? Optionally-defaced internet hooey.
	None need to cheaply deface unclean internet copycat idiocy.
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US	Sell your soul - Reagan ate Bob!
Be funny and not just stupid.	Found typist unjust, BANNED!
Plagiarism on Uncyclopedia?	Imaginal pros copied lunacy.
en.uncyclopedia.co	Dug "no care" policy.
Wikipedia versus Uncyclopedia	Vicious kid rudely wins ape-cape
The Admins	Smite hand
It all must be a massive conspiracy	Plans say it: Some User cabal victim!
Re: Sue the Administrators	Are these rats in our midst?
No sockpuppets allowed	POW! A poop-skull descent... A second skull. We pop top.
AAAAAAAAA!	AAA!AAAAAA
Euroipods	Odious Rep...
Kitten Huffing	'Tight, fine funk.'
Uncyclopedia	Do Epic Lunacy. Loud cynic ape.
Pirates	'Parties!.'
Jonathan "Chronarian" Huang	O' Jon: An Uncaring thorn. Ha Ha!

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Dow on Uncyclopedians

Mahroww	AH! Mr. WOW. How warm.
Some User, Some User...	Sore muse sues more!
Mhaille	I am Hell!
Tompkins	Monk Tips
Zombiebaron	A Zion Bomber
Sir Todd Lyons	Odds on lyrist! Sir "Don't Do Sly."
Codeine	Iced One
Rcmurphy	MYRRH CPU
Reverend Isra	A nerd reviser.
Lugiatm	Ultima G
Algorithm	Mr. Goliath
THE ACID Ammo.	I am Death.com
Bradaphraser	A sharper bard.
Simulacrum Caputosis	Casual-suit prom music
Lady Keitei	Like a deity.
Claudius Prime	Cupid is a lemur.
Swordmaster	Rewards most
Prettiestpretty	Petty trip-tester.
King In Yellow	I know yelling. Gin! I won, Kelly!
Wild Weasel	A wide swell.
Nintendorulez	Zeroed lint nun.
Chronarion	Iron Anchor.
Faster Pussy Cat Kill Kill	Skillfully castrates Kip.
Bad Strong Rad	Standard Borg
Good Strong Rad	Trogdor gonads
Slackerboy	Backs Leroy.
Savethemooses	He vetos Emo ass.
Imrealized	I daze... Me? Lir?
Orion Blastar	A brain also rots.
TheLedBalloon	Noob dealt hell Lo, no death bell Belt ad? O' hell no! Hello, bald tone!

---

Dow on Proctology

Prostate examination	No tramp sex tonite. AA!
So, Adam, a visit. Fingers in your anus	In Soviet Russia, anagram finds YOU!!

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Dow on Himself

Sir Alec Dow	Sid Carlowe
Père Lachaise	R.I.P. à la cheese
Anagrammatic Tourette's Syndrome	Automatic rearrangement stems, doy! A STRANGE METEOR YOU STRICT MADMAN!!!

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Dow on Oscar Wilde

There is only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about.

Wilde died broken, beaten 'n' total nut. Hate being sunk in that rotten gaol. Shh, gay is taboo.

---

Dow on Places

Satyricon	Irony Acts
Oman	Moan
North Korea	Hate kronor.
South Korea	O' A Stroke, uh!
America	AA! CRIME!!

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Dow on TV

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Nothing's right with germy-ass J. Tom Fallon. Thwart Jimmy Fallon, Higgins, 'n' The Roots.

See also

• Sir Alec Dow, Anagrammatist/Dow on America
• Sir Alec Dow, Anagrammatist/Dow on Britain
• Lose sea
• Scrabble
• Worst 100 Cryptic Crossword Clues of All Time
• Ananagram

Notes

^ 1. Although the source phrase for this obvious anagram has never been confirmed, experts have suggested that since Dow clearly suffered from Anagrammatic Tourette's Syndrome, this phrase should probably be rearranged to, among others, "AW SHIT! FUCK A GAY EEL DILDO CUNT!!!" and "EAT SHIT, YOU FUCKING CLAWED LAD."

Note: Those are not good anagrams for "ATS"

^ 2. Look, it's a free web site. You can't expect quality results every single time. Still, we try.