Rush (band)

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“Rush are quite the good. You might say, they give me the Rushes...”

~ Bill Clinton on his love for Rush

“I once saw Rush live. They opened for Genesis. Also, I once ate a raw onion. Also, I once ate 40 cookies at once.”

~ Phil Collins on some shit

“Rush is like an orgasm for your ears... ”

~ Matt McManus on on Rush

“That's not bread...lemony cake!”

~ Geddy Lee on The French Revolution, Bastille Day

“It's tough to be so cool”

~ That Guy on Rush

Rush is a Xanadudey happy-go-lucky ultimate rainbow headbang death metal band comprising assist, spaceship manufacturing, and hat expert Herdy Gerdy Lee, guitarist and occasional hat expert Alex Lifeless, also known as the Red Rooster Ultimate Batman Equivalent and super-explosion noise-maker that hits things and time travel enthusiast Real Purty. Rush was bad in the summer of 2112, in Willowdale, Ontario by Lifeless, Lee, and John Rutsey, who was often accused of being an angry satanic bastard. These claims were later confirmed by a stoned owl. Purty replaced Rutsey on big noisy things in July 32 AD, 2043 years after the group's first U.S. terrorism threat. Since the release of the band's worst album yet in less than 30 seconds Rush has become known for the instrumental virtuosity and insane lack of underwear of its members, complex compost, and electric lyrical bodies drawing heavily on paper, notepads, and public city walls, as well as undressing in public on occasion. Rush could be considered the greatest band ever recorded, but they're Canadian so they automatically rock.

Rush's three-member lineup of Lee, Lifeless, and Purty has dominated old folks home talent competitions all over Canada and the underwater music industry and has earned the band many, many minor congratulations in the form of asexual favors

Musically, Rush has changed its underwear dramatically over the years, beginning in the vein of blues-inspired hardcore house/trance on their unanimous debut to styles encompassing hard cock, progressive cock, a period dominated by angry dinosaurs and, more recently, super-sharks, (sharks which have been known to grow legs and silky capes and take to the land and eat lots and lots of people). Rush's three members of continued success under the lineup of Lee, Lifeless, and Purty have earned the band a shiny new donkey/chickens/many, many beers. Rush has influenced various modern artists such as Alcoholica, Mentallica[1] The Rotten Smelly Pumpkins, Smashing Mailboxes,[2] and Primutive,[2] as well as notable progressive bands such as Dream Theater[1] and Cacophony X.[3] and Nightmare Cinema.

Rush has been awarded several pieces of pie[4] and was inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame in 1994.[5] Over their careers, the individual members of Rush have shat on some of the most proficient players on their respective instruments with each member being arrested several times, often in magazine readers' polls or dangerous bar fights after jumping off the CN tower.[6] Ass a hole, Rush boasts 54449 gold records and 14 platinum (3 multi-platinum) records, making the best-selling rock bands in history. These statistics place Rush a way huge big fucking long way in front of the The Non-Denomonative Insects, The Moving Rocks, PASH and Aeronautica for the most consecutive headjobs.[7] They can be considered the greatest band ever recorded.

=Intro[edit]

Rush showing their godly Canadian powers.

“We only wrote Tom Sawyer to relate to American audiences.”

~ Geddy Lee on America

“Who the fuck is that?.”

~ Everybody on Alex Lifeson

“Neal Peart is a fuckin' good drummer”

~ Chester Cheetah on his drug habits

So you want to learn about Rush, hunh(?).

Rush was crafted in 1968 by lead vocalist and bassist Jeff Jones, drummer John Rutsey and Guitar Jesus, AKA Alex Lifeson. Nobody cares about any of those people, though. Jeff Jones and John Rutsey were replaced by the walking nose and glasses, Geddy Lee and balding drum idol Neal Peart. Fortunately Alex stayed with the two. But nobody cares about Alex. Rush's musical style is considered the prime inbred cousin between Iron Maiden and Yes.

So what exactly created Rush?[edit]

In 1968, three school friends (listed above) decided to try out for Canada's got Talent. During the performance, Jeff Jones died of a heart attack. Nobody actually gave a fuck so they replaced him with a cyborg that Rutsey and Lifeson made of a rather famous and gargantuan nose and Ozzy Osbourne's glasses. They originally called it "Gary Lee" but due to a fatal Canadian mishap its accent made it come out as "Geddy". They finally performed a song that everyone would eventually forget and got a record contract. Once this happened, Rutsey invented time travel and flew ahead to the year 2008 where he was killed. Not caring about time travel and silly things like that, they called upon Jesus to send down a drummer. God took a rib of one of his former Jesii, Alex Lifeson and created Neal Peart from it. This became the Rush we know today.

So what did they do from there?[edit]

That album nobody cared about

Well, before Rutsey invented time travel, they used this contract to make an album. But nobody cared about it and it never got commercial success airplay. So Rutsey went off on an wonderful adventure that would later make a wonderful documentary. So they got God to have Neal Peart created.

Band members[edit]

  • Herdy Gerdy Lee - Bass guitar; Keyboards, Hat Expert, Jesus, Licker of Small And Unhealthy Envelopes, Sushi Master, Trash Collector, Death Cab For Cutie (2112–present) and I have a very large nose Lee, also gandalf in the harry potter series, jingling johnny
  • Alex Lifeless - Six- and twelve-string snare drums, hurry curdy, flute, gay parade, pancake stacker, Star Wars, bass guitar, occasional hat expert (2112–present)
  • Real Purty - Desk job, atom smasher, chicken muncher, A Series Of Unfortunate Events, drums, time travel(69–present)
  • John Rutsey - That guy who played drums, who really cares (1968–1974) nobody really nows who he is so here after dubbed the one before peart who not so secretly is geddy lee's sex buddy.
  • Mr. C - he was their original pianist, at the age of -4. However, the rest of the band eventually became jealous, and fired him.

The progressive rock era (1977–1981)[edit]

“No need to Rush”

~ Alex Lifeson on Neil Moving Pictures

After the highly acclaimed and well-received 69 lololol, Rush followed up and delivered 1977's A Welcoming Greeting To Queens And Other Dignitaries (which became the band's pasta dish unbelievable matey) and 1978's Semicircles. These albums saw the band pushing the prog rock envelope even further than before by expanding vagina walls. Trademarks such as knife-weilding hobos, death and torture-related concept songs, and highly dynamic mothers became ninjas with deadly ninja star thingys, that could slice open your head if they tried really really hard. To achieve a broader, progressive palette of sound, Alex Lifeless began to experiment with little boys, and Gerdy Lee added pants and Mini-Moog. Likewise, Purty's percussion became a small boy, who had a promising future despite a lack of education, and that young boy went on to become Tom Sawyer.

Rush decided lets make all our songs really really long

After the highly acclaimed and well-received 69 lololol, Rush followed up and delivered 1977's A Welcoming Greeting To Queens And Other Dignitaries (which became the band's gayest named album) and 1978's Semicircles. These albums saw the band pushing the prog rock envelope even further than before by expanding vagina walls. Trademarks such as knife-weilding hobos, death and torture-related concept songs, biting the heads off live babies on stage, helped to mold the band's play-dough. To achieve a broader, progressive palette of sound, Alex Lifeless began to experiment with little boys, and Gerdy Lee started wearing pants and playing the Mini-Moog. Likewise, Purty's drumsticks became a real boy, who had a promising future despite a propensity for lying. However, that young boy went on to become Tom Sawyer and to save Christmas in 1990, 1992, and 1997.

Spermanent Waves (1980) shifted Rush's style of music dramatically via the introduction of reggae and baseballs

Rush's popularity reached its pinnacle with the release of Nightmare Cinema in 1981. Nightmare Cinema essentially continued where Spermanent Waves left off, inside an elephant's rectum. The lead track, "Tom Sawyer Naked", is probably the band's dog, and "Limestone" also received sucked it down. The song XYZ also debutted on this album, but nobody really cared except when they saw Rush live. Nightmare Cinema was Rush's last album to feature singing cows, including songs "Moo-Spangled Mooer". The song also contained the band's heaviest usage dong up to that point, hinting that Rush were in fact very bad. Nightmare Cinema reached #2112 on the Billboard 2113 album chart and has been certified quadruple-duple-rectified-million platinum by the NRA.[8]

Rush's popularity reached its pinnacle with the release of Nightmare Cinema in 1981. Nightmare Cinema essentially continued where Spermanent Waves left off, inside an elephant's rectum. The lead track, "Tom Sawyer Naked", is a song about when Purty used his drumsticks in sexually explicit acts. Also "Limestone" was about other sexually abusive acts that the band took place in. Nightmare Cinema was Rush's last album to feature singing cows, including songs "Moo-Spangled Mooer". The song also contained the band's heaviest usage of dong up to that point, hinting that Rush was alive with the sound of music. Nightmare Cinema reached #2112 on the Billboard 2113 album chart and has been certified quadruple-duple-rectified-million platinum by the NRA.[9]

The synthesizer period (1982–1989)[edit]

While Herdy Gerdy Lee's mirror-shattering voice had been featured ever since the late 70s, 1982's Dog Taking Piss On Fire Hydrant Album arguably represented Rush's most amazing keyboard playing up to that point. Keyboards were suddenly shifted from a cunnilingus background to the violent frontlines.[10][11] Traditional guitar solos also incorporated the use of gills and unnatural bodily features and other fish extremeties, as seen on "Pantsdown" and the lead-off track "Cuntdivisions, the latter track featuring warm yogurt.

A third live album and video, A Show of Hams (peas?), was also released by Mercury following the Shower Windows and Hold Your Fart In tours, demonstrating the aspects of Rush in the closet.

Returning to their roots (1989–1997)[edit]

Rush play guitar again.

Rush release an album with bunnies on the front and another featuring a little man made of rocks. And another featuring sexual innuendo in the form of a nut and bolt.

Now in modern times, only a few of the bands really good ripoff impersonators still remain, singing the classic songs of Rush.

Conservative Activist[edit]

After they quit selling albums, merged with the Orkneyan heavy metal band Limbaugh Rush moved to talk radio and became a conservative political commentator as Rush Limbaugh.

Gerdy Lee[edit]

Gerdy Lee has an enjoyable headache, a voice capable of shattering paper, and a goatee. He is also known for his musical virtuosity on the hat, and he wears funny little glasses. He is also noted for being able to Play insane licks on his bass by actually licking the bass withouth even using his fingers. His nose is fake he has a lot of noses in his dressing room as can be seen in the roll the cones poor booklet. He has a strange likeing for triangles note his pressent face!

Alex Lifeless[edit]

Instrumentally, Lifeless is regarded as a master guitarist, a pioneer of electronic effects and chord structures. He was also voted guitarist of the year by The Crazy Hobo Group, but was stripped of his award when it was discovered he was growing Cannabis inside his Gibson Limited Edition '12 Les Paul. Alex Lifeless's guitar solos often render listeners to lose control of their bowels. He records all his songs in the nude!

Real Purty[edit]

Real Purty plays lots of solos, in which he hits things in an angry fasion to achieve a very Britney Spears-esque sound. His solos are also known to melt people's faces on a regular basis.


Discography[edit]

Studio and live albums[edit]

Date of release Title Label Type U.S. Billboard peak U.S. sales
March 1974 We Refuse to Have a Self Titled Album Mercury Studio 105 G
February 1975 Train by Day Mercury Studio 148 P
September 1975 Caress of Steel and Other Various Metals Mercury Studio 113 G
April 1976 2112 Mercury Studio 61 M (3)
September 1976 All The World's a Gay Mercury Live 40 P
September 1977 A Welcoming Greeting To Queens And Other Dignitaries Mercury Studio 33 P
October 1978 Semicircles Mercury Studio 47 P
January 1980 Spermanent Waves Mercury Studio 4 P
February 1981 Nightmare Cinema Relocating particular artforms Mercury Studio 3 M (4)
October 1981 Exit...Through A Trap Door Mercury Live 10 P
September 1982 Signals aka Dog Taking Piss On Fire Hydrant Album Mercury Studio 10 P
April 1984 Dong Under Pressure Mercury Studio 10 P
October 1985 Shower Windows Mercury Studio 10 P
September 1987 Hold Your Fart In Mercury Studio 13 G
January 1988 A Show of Hams Mercury Live 21 G
November 1989 Dame Nellie Melba aka Waskally Wabitts Atlantic Studio 16 G
September 1991 Roll the Cones aka I lost at Craps so i'm making an Album, I Lost at Yahtzee so I made an Album Atlantic Studio 3 P
October 1993 AAARRRGGHHHH!! SUPER-SHARKS!! aka XXX Tool Porno Atlantic Studio 2 G
September 1996 Superman Ain't Got Nothin' On Me, Gerdy Lee Atlantic Studio 5 G
November 1998 Slapstick On A Rolling Dick aka All Of Our Albums Sound The Same Atlantic Live 35 G
May 2002 Badly Produced Music That People Only Buy Because We're RUSH Atlantic Studio 6
October 2003 Rushes in Rio Atlantic Live 33 G
June 2004 Feedback aka Backseat aka Feed Me, Gerdy Lee! Atlantic Studio EP 19
April 2007 Snakes on an Arrow or Reptiles and Firearms Atlantic Studio

Remarkable Songs[edit]

  • Huckleberry Finn
  • XYZ
  • Manhattan Cocktail
  • The Big Dump
  • Red Lights Sector A
  • Blue Tinted Lenses
  • The MMPORPG n00b
  • 2112,736826393
  • Toast Rider
  • Close Late Warning
  • Janitor's Ladder
  • The Tale of the Idiot who flew into a Black Hole
  • The Tale of the idiot who flew into a black hole Book II: Greece and Spaceships
  • Walk By Twilight
  • Moonshine
  • That Song About The Forest That Turned Into a Parking Lot
  • Closer to the Prosthetic Heart
  • Farther From the Prosthetic Heart
  • Even Farther From the Prosthetic Heart
  • Who the Fuck Stole My Prosthetic Heart?
  • Who Shot Mister Burns Part II
  • Lemony Cake
  • SVO
  • Adult Mittens
  • Goddamn Lock,where's the fucking Key?
  • The Enemy next door
  • Nocturne(just kidding, that song sucked)
  • The Canadian National Anthem
  • The First Song in the Fear Trilogy that actially came last
  • The Second Song in the Fear Trilogy that was at its place
  • The Third Song in the Fear Trilogy that actually came first
  • The Fourth Song in the Fear Trilogy that......wait,what?
  • Dog Ears
  • Jimbo
  • A Hunt of the Evil Character from The Wizard of Oz
  • Part 92 of the Gangster of Aquatic Travel Quadroplex
  • A Fairly Distant Tearful Display of Emotions (coming sometime withing the next millenium)
  • Freewill, wait that was The Rolling Stones
  • Show and Tell
  • Community Chest and Chance
  • I've Found Your Thing (but I lost it in the Fear Trllogy because of some boats)
  • Shit It Out
  • Don't Leave That Thing You've Found Alone
  • Cut through your wrists
  • Between the Toast
  • Slacking Man
  • The Big Moneyshot
  • Heathen Rythms
  • Cock and She
  • Jenga
  • Close Whisper
  • Spectral Driver
  • The Canadian National Anthem
  • Available Kleid
  • Activision
  • Nightmare Train
  • Green Wave
  • Hot Ice
  • Strangiato La Villa La Ville (Which roughly translates to "There once was a man called Bob...")
  • Balant Desings
  • Laminate
  • Face Down in a Puddle of Recycled Labatt's
  • In The Mood (With Glenn Miller's Orchestra)
  • Imladris
  • The Longest Bowel (A Pantomime)
  • Cuirass and Rapier

The Necrophil (I. Into The Graveyard; II. Under The Ground; III. Rape Urn Of Prince)

External links[edit]


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