Retrosexual
“In all of my years I haven't ever seen two.”
“It took more crack than you or I could smoke in a year and yet she managed it in a month; I was impressed and horrifed at the same time...”
“And whom would contend with the Retrosexuals now? From where do we draw a resistance? The old ones have progressed too far. They cannot be stopped”
“The only way to kill an Anubis Warrior is to cut off its head!”
“OMFGLOLROFLBBQPIE!!!!!!!1!1!1one!11!eleven!!1!!1!!1!!1!onehundredandeleven!!!1!1!1!”
Retrosexuallity is the practice of or relating to sexualness that is retro in nature. Retro in the sense that it was "cool" before and is quickly becoming "cool" now. Hippies are generally considered to be among the highest practitioners of Retrosexuallity and have many powerful forums that they use to retrosex themselves in the bung.
History[edit | edit source]
The first retrosexuallity movement in world history occurred during the Second Great Awakening in the 1820's and 30's. When Congregationalists in New England set up missionary societies in which the modern day retrosexuals "rocked out". It was this foreword propensity to "rock out" that gave the retrosexual movement strength and lead them down a path to the dark side.
Retrosexuallity emerged as a method to combat the return to piety movement and the outbreak of new forms of religion that plagued the period. Your Mother, perhaps the most influential Retrosexual popularized the trend in 1826 when she said (in a German accent): "And we the resistance, the Retrosexuals do hereby proclaim that we are, now and forever, off the heezy!"
Characteristics of Retrosexuallity[edit | edit source]
Retrosexuals are gay and should be, for all intents and purposes, treated with the type Sexual Deviant(gay), unless of course they are an outsider, then they retain their outsider type but gain the subtype sexual.
Ex. A retrosexual lvl. 23 Solar Cleric would be given the type Outsider(sexual)
Retrosexual is not a class, but a template that can be applied to any base creature as the DM proscribes.
Retrosexual
CE Any Size Sexaul Deviant(Gay)
Init +4 (+2 Dex, misc. mods); Senses [Darkvision, Blind-Sense] Listen +12, Spot +2 Knowledge(gayness) +99
Languages queer, common
AC 21, touch 19, flat-footed 12 (+2 armor, +9 Dex,)
hp 33 (9 HD) [fast healing 12]
Fort +12, Ref +9, Will +1
Spd 40 ft
Base Atk +2 (+XX Race, +XX Class); Grp +XX
Abilities Str 12, Dex 18, Con 16, Int 21, Wis 26, Cha 19
Common Misconceptions[edit | edit source]
- Retrosexuals are cool. (friends don't let friends metrosexual)
- Retrosexuals exist.
- You are reading about Retrosexuals now.
- The Tooth Fairy exists and was at one time, Retrosexual.
- The Civil War was not caused by the Retrosexual movement.
See Also[edit | edit source]
Further Reading[edit | edit source]
- Dole, Bob. Skirting Away the Endtimes (1972) (ISBN 0-385-11164-8)
- Cuthulu, Satan Libris Mortis (2010) (ISBN 0-069-33880-0)