Portal:Religion

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Religious)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Uncyclopedia Portals: Art · Business · Culinary · Games · History · Music · People · Politics · Religion · Science · Society · Technology · All...
Comedy · Film · Gay · Literature · Pregnancy · Television · Theatre · Video Games (Mario) · Zoology
Holy-potato.jpg
Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal
By far the holiest portal you will ever find.
Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.
edit 

Highlighted Article

Shiva.jpg

Just a few words from me, Mrs God. I know you haven’t heard from me much over the years, but now that my hubby’s away…

First of all, let me reassure everyone – “God is not dead”. We heard a lot of that in the 60s. It wasn’t true then and it’s not true now. Phew!

It IS true that He picked up a bit of a coke habit – and I can tell you, God moved in some peculiar ways back then. But we’ve finally persuaded Him to face His issues and booked Him into Rehab – He said “No, no, no” for thirty years and when God says “No” it’s very hard to change His mind but He's finally checked into the Priory and we're hoping He can work through some of His issues and make a full recovery.…

Archive Article credit: Sog1970 (more…)


edit 

Highlighted Entity

Jerry Falwell portrait.jpg

Jerry Lamon Falwell, Sr. (August 11, 1933 – May 15, 2007) was an American fundamentalist Christian pastor and televangelist. He was the founding pastor of the Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia in the Christian (big "C") nation of the United States of America. He founded Liberty University in 1971 and co-founded the Moral Majority in 1979.

Falwell led services at Thomas Road Baptist Church, a megachurch in Lynchburg, Virginia from 1956-2007. His Christ-centered leadership lead to the expansion of the church, with it eventually reaching gigachurch status...…

Archive Article credit: Modusoperandi (more...)
edit 

Highlighted Image

{{{title}}}

Jesus survived 40 days in the desert, thanks to his trusty automatic weapon.

Nominate stuff Image credit: Sog1970 Image archive


edit 

Quote of the Week

“To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and there!”

 Sarah Michelle Gellar on Baphomet.

edit 

Highlighted News

HebrewhottiesPhoto-haim-zach008 A.jpg
Gnome-speakernotes.png
Listen to audio (file info)

BNEI BRAK, Israel -- Local conservative rabbis are sick with worry, anxiety and unease at the increasing popularity of practical, comfortable fashions; more so even than the worry, anxiety and unease that causes their usual kvetching. After much bickering they have responded with the tact, sensitivity and delicate touch for which fundamentalists of all stripes are known; by burning down stores that sell offensive clothing and spraying bleach on women that Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv refers to as "...those nasty whores with their whore legs, whore skin and whore bulges. Whores!".…

Archive Article credit: Modusoperandi (more...)
edit 

More Religious News

edit 

Further Reading

edit 

Did You Know...

 Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
 God is pissed off?
 good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
 Bahais have the best bud?
edit 

Topics Needing Expansion


Uncyclopedia Portals: Art · Business · Culinary · Games · History · Music · People · Politics · Religion · Science · Society · Technology · All...
Comedy · Film · Gay · Literature · Pregnancy · Television · Theatre · Video Games (Mario) · Zoology


Part of a series of articles on
Catholicism
Gesupietrochiave.jpg

Culture
Catholic Church
Communion
Confession
Dashboard Confessional
Excommunicate
Beatification
Indulgence
Roman Catholic
The Cross

Beliefs
Catholic ethics
Immaculate Conception
Divine law · Mortal sin
Just War (Crusades)

Archiodese
The Pope
Bishop · Priest
Doctor of the Church
Nuns · Altar boys
Zombie Pope · Antipope

Important Figures
Popes
Linus · Anacletus
John XXIII · John Paul II
Benedict XVI · Francis
Others
Giovanni · Antioch
Loyola · Maximus
Thomas Aquinas

The Vatican
Canon law · Catholic Relics
Holy See · Opus Dei
College of Cardinals
St. Peter's Basilica
Vatican City
Holysee-arms-A.svg

Part of a series of articles on
Scientology
Tomcruiseanimated.gif

Beliefs
Space Opera
Xenu
Thetans
Clear
The Sacred Movements
of Goa Tse

Concepts and Practices
The Force
Hodgepodge (the hidden truth)
Kitten Huffing

People
L. Ron Hubbard
Tom Cruise
Lestat de Lioncourt
Chef
Will Smith
Captain Caveman
That Creepy Scientologist
"Charity" Fund Collector Guy

Enemies
You· Me · Oprah
South Park· YTMND · 4chan
The Holiday Hawk
Appliantology
Walken!· Rick Astley · Pacman
Horses· Italians · Anonymous

Tomcruiseship.png


The Christio-Religio Ladderal Hiearchy
CRLHladders.jpg Top Rung, the Holy Trinity: God, Jesus, & the Holy Spirit, opposed by Satan

Middle Rung, the Holy Triforce: Mrs. God, Jesús, & The Holy Ghost, opposed by Stan
Bottom Rung, the Holy Tripod: Gah, Jeez, & the Holy Rock, opposed by Santa
Fell off the Ladder: Goo, Jazz, & Hollywood, opposed by Stalin
After a few drinks: Daddyo, Laddyo, & The Spook, opposed by Bat-Fuck Satan

  The Holy Family of the Jesii



Part of a series of articles on
Holy Scripture
Bible with a warning label

Bible

Bible 2
BIBLE!
Bible Adventures
Communist Bible
New Cooler Edition
Rick James Version
Pudgic Bible
Rapper's Bible
Revised Liberal Edition
Revised Neocon Edition
Satanic Bible
The Holey Bible
XBible 360
Bible 0

Books of the Bible
Old Testament
Table of Contents
Genesis
Exodus
Leviticus
Numbers

Accordion
New Testament
The Gospels
God's Guide to Parenting
Book of Revelations
Biblical Out-Takes

Indian Bibles
Tantra · Vedas
The Sutras

Islamic Bibles
Quran
Q'whatever
Duran Duran


The Seven Deadly Sins

Greed - Wrath - Gluttony - Pornography - Envy - Indifference - SPAM

How can you even think of such things?