Reggie Fils-Aime
“Viva La Reggieloution”
“I only raped one child...17 times...in one day...in the same hour. ”
“Grrrrr!! I'm an OGRE!!!”
Reginald "Reggie" Fils-Aime was the President and Chief Operating Officer for the North American division of Japan-based video game company Nintendo, until his resignation in 2019. He is currently rated as the 4th ugliest person on planet earth and three of his former(dead) wifes suddenly asploded while having sexual intercourse with him.
Kicking Ass[edit | edit source]
Fils-Aime shot to fame in May 2004, with the opening line of Nintendo's E³ press conference: "My name is Reggie. I'm about kickin' ass, I'm about takin' names, and we're about makin' games." Reggie has indeed kicked the asses of enemies and co-workers who fail to show him the proper respect
Role in Nintendo[edit | edit source]
Reggie is the president of the region of Nintendo, North America. This was given to him for his bravery during the Nintendo Revolution. Reggie was military commander of the Koopa Battalion 3, which played a key role in taking over xBox island. shortly after the Wii60 alliance was signed, Reggie quickly dismissed the alliance as Nintendo was in a league of their own and did not have to concern themselves with the likes of Microsoft. even with these claims by Reggie, They managed to stand strong both in the country of Nintendo and that of Microsoft as they found that the 18 years of war before it had only made them stronger which allowed them to crush the Sonish army and the newly formed Wii60 combination ruled the world for decades to come. However, even though he possess a hihg title, he never did much aside of the ass kicking and name taking.
Possible Role in Nintendo Mafia[edit | edit source]
Though the Nintendo mafia has beeen dismissed by historians, It is strongly believed that Reggie played a large role in their operation before going legit. Many believe that his role in the mafia helped him rise to the role of president. Unconfirmed reports said that his battalion during the revolution was armed with thompson style guns, instead of the red shells normally used by the troops.
E3 2009[edit | edit source]
During E3 2009, Reggie proceeded to kick ass by demonstrating a game of basketball in Wii Sports Resort. The game was concluded with Reggie winning. This was good. Or else a lot of people would have been fired that day.
Leaving Nintendo[edit | edit source]
In 2019, Reggie found out that his co-worker Bill had been stealing his doughnuts for the past 7 years. Angered by this situation, Reggie decided to leave the company and never return. He was replaced by "Doug" Bowser Koopa, who had bribed Nintendo to put him at the head of the company, as his final plan to end the Mario situation once and for all. Unfortunately for Bowser, being his boss isn't enough for Mario to stop rescuing Princess Peach. What a loser.
Facts about Reggie[edit | edit source]
- Reggie likes eating dead babies and hobos.
- Reggie doesn't have a penis. He has two.
- Reggie was portrayed in the games Pokémon Diamond & Pokémon Pearl, where he is known as Reggiegigas (meaning he's real big). The name references how he's a big incomprehensible demon guy who wants to kill Ness. In order to access him, one must first assemble his three nephews. Note that in Pokémon Platinum this was changed; you can now get a special Reggiegigas, which unlocks his three nephews.
- Reggie took Kaz Hirai's name so many times that Kaz had to create a new identity, called Phil Harrison. And he moved from Japan to the UK. Look him up on Wikipedia for more info or read his autobiography entitled "Giant Enemy Crab: Hitting The Weak Spot For Massive Damage".