Pride

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Silvio Berlusconi, a man with no pride.

Pride is a common human emotion similar but inferior to shame.

Misconception

Pride is often considered by idiots to be the opposite to the superior emotion of shame. This is demonstrably wrong. Both emotions are retrospective feelings about ones actions. Pride is generally felt after a prolonged period of hard work, shame is often felt after a period of fun.

Pride is the arrogant imposter of the two emotions, it implies inordinate self-esteem, an unreasonable conceit of one's own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, rank etc.

Indulging in pride too often is liable to breed contempt of other people. What is worse pride can give the individual an abhorrent and inaccurate sense of self worth and an inclination towards aggrandisement of ones actions and motivations.

Shame is a much more healthy emotion, it's presence implies greater self awareness. Awareness of ones own craven patheticness and the futility of hope. An individual familiar with and able to value their own sense of shame, is an individual willing to embrace the truth of their own inherent indecency and impudence.

Wanking in public places is a good way to overcome unwanted feelings of pride.

How to overcome pride

Pride is a stubborn and addictive emotion but it is not impossible to defeat. The first important step is to identify people amongst your peers that you consider proud. Next, make a conscious effort to avoid any activities that these self absorbed charlatans may approve of: Activities such as hard work, taking responsibility and helping other people.

The next step is to adjust your attitude. You should dispense with dedication, fairness, patience and temperance. These are a waste of time. Admit that you have only ever pretended to uphold these postures and accept that they are against human nature.

Once you have learned to ignore other peoples feelings, cut out pretending to be respectable and embraced your inner self you will be well on the way to becoming an honest, well rounded and shameful individual.

How to nourish shame

Remember the self righteous pricks that we have been learning to ignore. Imagine what kind of activities these pompous buffoons would sternly disapprove of. Stuff like masturbation, drinking to excess, laziness, voyourism, violence, vandalism, gluttony and drugs. Do you notice a pattern? Yes they are all fun activities. Just because these puritanical freaks are getting off on a sick pride trip doesn't mean that we shouldn't have any fun.

Once you have identified a number of good healthy shameful activities that you enjoy doing, go ahead and do them with all the extra time you have saved by abandoning wasteful pride based activities. It is often fun to do these activities alone, but it is much more fulfilling to do them in public. This will allow you to show other people that you waste no time on pride and allows you the full benefit of a cathartic dose of shame.

Suggested activities

Any of the activities that are frowned upon by pride stricken imbeciles are worthwhile, but for the best effects you should try combinations in public places. Here are some suggestions

• Drunkenly watching porn and masturbating on the train.
• Going on a drug fuelled vandalism spree in a library.
• Shitting in a supermarket freezer because you are too lazy to find the toilet.
• Punching the noisy disabled child on the bus that wont stop moaning and grunting.
• Eating as many Big Macs as possible then vomiting them up all over the restaurant.
• Following an attractive woman around a busy shopping centre wanking and drinking cider.
• Vandalising Wikipedia with child porn and other shock images, using your own name and address as a username.