Piers Morgan

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Piers on the events of 9/11.

Piers Stefan Pughe-Morgan ( O'Meara; born 30 March 1965) is a liberal British journalist and television personality. He is editorial director of First News, a national colouring book/newspaper for children. He is also a talent judge (how he got this job, we don't quite know) on Britain's Got Talent and America's Got No Talent, and has authored eight books, including three volumes of memoirs which no one bothered to read.

On the side, Morgan writes tiresomely sycophantic interviews in GQ with utterly banal and irrelevant celebrities like himself. He also once edited the News of the World and Daily Mirror when on work experience.

Early life[edit]

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Piers began his very sad life as little more than a posh foetus trapped deep within a female body, and upon leaving the womb of opportunity set out to take over the world, one talent-finding-related programme at a time.

Piers attended St. Augustine's Preparatory School for the Incessantly Smug in Coventry, where he was elected as Head Boy as soon as they saw his slick greasy smile. Piers's duties as Head Boy involved fellating all of the fourth-years whilst playing a version of Tammy Wynette's "Stand By Your Man" on a kazoo. This is referred to as "Tammying", or more commonly, "A good ol' seeing to."

Piers enjoying a night 'on the lash' with his transgender friends

Career[edit]

Piers hosted Piers Morgan Tonight on CNN.

To this date, there have been 237.8 assassination attempts on Piers Morgan on the Britain's Got Talent set, and Piers has almost died around 4,513 times after slipping into smugness-induced comas on set.

See also[edit]