Your Handy Guide to the
“I had three penii once.....what a night!”
Penispenispenispenispenis is a term used to describe an internet trolling phenomenon in which the word "penis" or synonyms (e.g. dick, cock) are used in some way or another to cause mischief. Apparently many internet trolls find the word inherently amusing and therefore like to post it as much as possible while trolling websites.
is believed to have been invented by the man who could rightfully claim to be the greatest insulter of all time – Winston Churchill. However, Churchill did have peers in this field, in particular Irish playwright/author George Bernard Shaw. Below is the text from a series of letters sent by the two men in the early 1940s, containing what is possibly the first ever use of the expression Penispenispenis.
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a [friend]... if you have one.”
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”
“There you go again, wallowing in your sad delusions of adequacy. Don’t bother responding if you cannot put more than two words together without sounding like a moron.”
Shaw immediately realized he had been comprehensively defeated by a true genius in the field of verbal abuse. After word of this conversation spread to every city in England, very few people dared to insult Churchill.
Even today, the psychology behind penispenispenis is still a mystery to most analysts. Some experts suspect that the word "penis" and the subject of the penis may have a neurological effect on the pleasure sensors in the brain, therefore generating a euphoria of a sort similar to that which one receives from engaging in pleasureful activities (e.g. eating ice cream..with your penis).
Examples of penispenispenis
- Posting the word over and over again (e.g. penispenispenis; PENIS PENIS PENIS)
- Posting the word with repeated characters to make it "longer" (e.g. PPPPEEEEENNNNNIIIIIISSSSSSS)
- Creating user accounts that look like real names or titles but have the word "penis" in them (e.g. "Sam Penis Wilson"; "Sir Penis of Cocksville"; "Richard Penisburger")
- Using characters in creative ways to allude to penises (e.g "8========D")
- Alternate spellings (e.g "penus"; "pingas"; spellings with leet)
- Constantly commenting on one's own penis or others penises (e.g. "I have a humongous cock"; "you have a one-inch dick"; "I want to touch your grandma's penis")
- Asking other internet users to touch one's penis or to let them touch your penis (or give Blowjobs; etc.)
Others believe that the mystery stems from the fact that the one thing funnier than "penis" is "penispenispenis", "boner" or "Vagina". Research is still being conducted in order to discover what is truly behind this mysterious phenomenon.
There is a growing realization that the original lyrics to the Red Hot Chili Pepper's song "Dani California" were just "penis" repeated over and over again, in the same melody that managed to make the final version of the song. Research was first conducted by a group of students at never-heard-of-before Swarthmore College. "Rock Band" academic software was utilized in order to create the profile band "Snoozzzing Penizzz" and recreate the song using just the word "penis". Roughly 1000 trials were run with many different observers present, which produced amazingly similar results once trials began using the syllable "nis" in place of the final two "YEAH"'s at the end of each chorus (this happened naturally in a genetic-algorithm manner). It was observed, with a coefficient of determination of .9956, that the penis fit so well into Dani California that there is no possible way it was initially meant to be something else. The results of this study are currently being compiled in LaTeX, but just as with real penises and latex, the document is having trouble coming into realization.
Further efforts to discover other penis lyrics include "Hung like a horse" as the chorus in the popular Duran Duran song, "Penis in a butthole" in the Police classic, and "I want a perfect penis" in Radiohead's "Creep", among others. These efforts came to a halt when singer of Snoozzzing Penizzz moved on to pursue other academic interests using "WoW" software, and ultimately, the graduation of Swarthmore's class of 2010.
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