PETA (group)
PETA (The undercover disguise name of People Eating Tasty Animals) is a despotic organization operating under the guise of an animal rights group. While most members claim to participate out of their compassion for animals, it is actually just a front for how insignificant they consider human life. PETA also operates under its reverse-acronym ATEP (Association To Exterminate People). While seemingly harmless to civilization and beneficial to animals, this group seeks to overpopulate the world with oxygen breathing organisms. As these numbers of organisms increase, the percentage or Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere increases, leading to the eventual suffocation of life on Earth. This is also achieved by creating large oxygen-guzzling fires by blowing up buildings. The ultimate goal of PETA members is to make the entire mother fucking earth, one giant vagina and then fly to Mars, where they will happily have a ‘happy ending’. In early 2019, the group came under fire for it's rapid disrespect of animal lover Steve Irwin. While many interpreted this action as ignorance on the part of PETA, PETA actually did it to spite non-radical animal lovers. They are trying to convert Europe and Asia to Green Capitalism and Green Anarchism. It is also believed that Mark Zuckerberg, a robot and CEO of Facebook, was built by PETA in an attempt to turn Karens into PETA members. However, their entitlement is causing PETA to struggle with this.
History[edit | edit source]
PETA was founded in 1350 B.C. by a man of questionable intent, whose name shall not be mentioned here because it is simply too evil to say, especially in polite company, or in the presence of Big Brother (also known as Jimbo Wales), and double that on alternate days ending in "y", but what the hell, I'll just say it – Oscar Wilde and his friend, This Guy in an attempt to legalize kitten huffing. Their protests however fell on deaf ears, and they were sentenced to running over innocent creatures, but not before subjecting them to cruel and unusual punishment for things they didn't do.
The PETA member[edit | edit source]
Due to their lack of meat to the brain they suffer from depersonalization issues, such as hearing animals talk and telepathically feeling their emotions. This can go on to such an extent that they believe the lives of animals to be equal to those of human beings. They are also firmly convinced that Disney films such as Bambi are nature documentaries and that cockroaches form communities underneath our houses. They are one of Domo-Kun's greatest enemies.
Most omnivores find them to be unbearable due to their holier-than-thou behavior and constant gas that results from constantly grazing on beans and pulses for protein. Due to the unnatural amount of fiber in their diet, they are most frequently found taking a crap on the toilet. While they find this behavior normal, if not desirable, most omnivores fail to see the appeal of spending most of their waking time voiding people patties into the dunny.
PETA members believe that humans should not eat animals because humans are animals, and they believe that animals never eat each other. Most PETA members obtain their knowledge regarding the natural world from early disney cartoons.
The existence of PETA does serve one useful purpose: as an excuse to refuse to donate money to any animal rights cause. When one receives a mailer from an organization which involves kindness to animals or animal rescue in any way, even one that doesn't seem insane, one can feel completely morally justified in throwing that letter directly in the trash, as said organization might be a front for PETA and lord knows we don't need any more PETA.
Ways to help the PETA cause[edit | edit source]
- Eat lots of meat
- Eat lots of meat
- Bring them an entertaining chimp
- Support circuses which have animals entertaining people
- Keep animals as pets
- Fire a gorilla out of a cannon
- Send meat-topped pizzas to PETA's headquarters
- Protest the violence and corruption of the corn industry
- Commit direct actions against the Tofu labs by bombing them like PETA members bomb meat factories
- Send them a Pig Head with this note "people for eating tasty animals"
- Free the innocent kumquats!
- Maxlam's kitty named Mitène.
- Shove bacon down their throat.
- Take advantage of the PETA auto reply on social media.